Two Can Play at This Game
by Gentle Rainbow
Summary: 1 scheming Shark. 1 jealous Xanxus. 1 reluctant Horse. 1 manipulative Hibari. 1 miserable Tsuna. Plenty of laughter. Just because Squalo and Xanxus deserve more than angsty non-consensual sex which is also conveniently called rape . XS and D18 mostly...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

I would like to thank all my reviewers with another attempt at humor. I also appreciate all the favorites and alerts. Grazie!!! So, have fun and enjoy! Let me know what you guys think! For my new readers, please check out my other story (Summer of Love) for more details if there is any confusion or obscure reference. Tsuna and his friends are around 21-22 years old in a peaceful future after Byakuran's defeat.

_Thought, Flashbacks and Dreams_

Normal dialogues, occurrences…

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**Two Can Play at This Game:**

**Chapter 1: Let the game begin!**

"Why the hell not? Damn it, Bronco!" Squalo screamed into his phone, shattering a couple of vases.

"Because I already love Kyoya and I do not have a death wish!" Dino explained for the hundredth time. It seemed as if they had this same conversation every time he talked to the sword emperor in the past two months.

"Stop being such a spineless bastard and help me out! Your rabid pet doesn't have to know. And, think of all those years we have known each other…Think of 'our time together' for old time's sake, huh?" The silver-haired man tried once again, cringing at the overly sentimental words he had swallowed his pride to utter.

"Our time together?! You're talking about all those times you bullied me into doing something stupid, right? On top of that, I saved your life in the Rain Battle with Yamamoto. Or have _you _forgotten? Bye, Squalo." A frustrated Dino ended their unpleasant discussion.

Squalo chopped his cell phone in half in an effort to vent his anger. Since the day the Cavallone bragged to the Shark about his 'lovely' Kyoya, the sword emperor had tried his best to elicit at least a token of affection from Xanxus.

Needless to say, that was not working out due to Xanxus' inability to feel anything. Since June, Lussuria had been spreading rumors about Squalo's 'exciting affair' with the Cavallone boss. Two months from the spread, Xanxus did not seem to care for the gossips at all. The arrogant Varia leader had not staked a claim, picked a fight or stopped Squalo's interactions with Dino.

The more Superbi Squalo thought about it, the clearer it became that Xanxus did not give a shit about him, his person and well-being. Tonight, though, Squalo would give him one last chance to show some form of human attachment. It was the Varia elites' movie night to 'strengthen the family bond' as the number one brat, Tsuna, had urged them.

"Boss, Lussuria picked 'Brokeback Mountain' for tonight. Is that okay?" Squalo took confident strides into Xanxus' chamber.

"Trash, I'm not watching some crappy emotional shit." The intimidating figure demanded from his throne.

"It's … a Western movie, with cowboys, guns and…" Squalo trailed off, watching his boss taking the bait.

"Fine, whatever!" Swirling his drink, Xanxus almost looked happier, but really only Squalo could tell.

For some strange reasons, Squalo's bedmate had this obsession with the American Old West which consisted of cowboys, guns, Indians and dry deserts, or so the movies portrayed it so. And, guess who was Xanxus' favorite. It was the Native American.

_Flashback:_

"_Shark, look at this raccoon tail I got from the old man! And, these eagle feathers!" A thirteen-year-old Xanxus thrust his treasure into the teenage Squalo's face._

_Enthusiastically, the future Varia boss tied the tail to his hair and attached the feathers to his head. All the while, a wide-eyed Squalo wondered what was wrong with this kid's mental state._

"_I'm the new Chief Sitting Bull of the Hunkpapa tribe. From this moment on, you will be my first minion. Fetch me my wine, damn it, scum!!!" Xanxus ordered while gesturing his arm at Squalo. _

_Quickly, a disturbed Squalo left the young Xanxus, searching for the servants and hoping to give his future boss the much needed medication before it was too late. _

Squalo, never in his life time, could understand how Xanxus could fancy himself being Chief Sitting Bull or how their deranged famiglia could resemble any respectable Indian tribe. But, it was better not to ask the delusional one. As for the Varia's self-proclaimed tribal leader, the sword emperor had the perfect Indian name for him, chief Pissing Ass.

* * *

And, the movie began with Squalo and Lussuria to the left of Xanxus' throne, Levi on his right sucking up at all possible moments while Bel and Fran sitting on the rug in front of them, closest to the flat-screen TV.

As the tragic ending drew near, the colorful boxer was sobbing uncontrollably. Squalo found something irritating in his eyes as well and looked over at Xanxus' side. All of his warm and fuzzy feelings towards the man went up in smoke. The Varia leader did not pay any attention to the non-violent parts and was snoring happily away.

_In Squalo's fantasy, Xanxus would have realized the hidden message in the movie choice. The emotionless boss was moved to tears while holding onto Squalo for comfort. Then, the second-in-command would be able to forgive all of his obnoxious behaviors. In the end, their relationship reached a new level of understanding and appreciation far above sexual gratification…_

At the moment, reality seemed to crash into Squalo's fantasy land with its sheer brutality. Of course, all the heart-wrenching parts flew over Xanxus' head and into sweet oblivion. Squalo wanted to rip his hair out and kicked his ungrateful bastard of a boss in the nuts.

"Voooiiii! WAKE UP!" The whole chamber trembled; its occupants turned their eyes towards the pair with great interest. Bel and Fran got themselves popcorns and sodas out of nowhere. Lussuria turned around and Levi looked downright gleeful, ready to watch Squalo's dramatic 'fall from grace'.

His answer from said boss was a glass of liquor directly on his forehead. The unprepared swordsman fell backward, tripped on Levi's leg and landed on his back. His silver hair spilled over the crimson carpet. While this scenario had the perfect potential to turn into a touching and sweet moment, Xanxus, by being himself, guaranteed it would not be a pretty sight.

The Varia leader deliberately stepped on Squalo's hair on his way out, ignoring the swordsman's last attempt for reconciliation.

"Fuck you! I am sick and tired of being your fucking nanny and catering to your every whim!" A furious Squalo stood up on shaking legs and stormed out of the room in a silvery whirlwind without a single glance back.

Standing near the doorway, Xanxus still did not comprehend the seriousness of this situation. The rest of the Varia stared wide-eyed in shock, not yet ready to deal with the consequences of having a Squalo-deprived boss.

It was the last straw. Squalo took his packed luggage and left the Varia Castle, heading for the Cavallone Mansion.

* * *

For the past three days since the argument, Squalo stayed at Dino's estate, ate the blonde's foods, hogged his master bathroom, paced the don's office and contemplated the next step in his scheme. After being Dino's freeloader for a few more days, the Varia second-in-command realized desperate time called for desperate measure.

"Bucking Horse, I need you to pretend to be my lover until Xanxus comes to his senses and does something." a solemn Squalo declared.

"Comes to his senses as in killing me in the process? No means no, Squalo!" Dino patiently declined.

"If you refuse, I will personally tell the Cloud brat that we had wild sex repeatedly in the last five days behind his back." Raising his chin, Squalo delivered his threat.

"What! But, we didn't do anything!" A panic blonde replied.

"Well, I will also let the Vongola brats know about our sexual exploits and how you broke their pal's heart, figuratively speaking of course, since the brat doesn't have one. But, you know how protective those brats can be of their own…" A casual explanation accompanied by a sly smirk.

Dino had a moment of superb clairvoyance.

_The Vongola was chasing him with their proverbial pitchforks and torches…or weapons and flames…_

_Gokudera: How dare you destroy our only chance at happiness? How are we gonna have sex with that cock-blocking bastard brooding around?!_

_Yamamoto: Dino, you made Hayato and Hibari very sad! I will remedy that, please stand still…_

_Tsuna: Dino-san, no one hurts my family and live!_

_Ryohei: That's Extremely wrong, Cavallone! I'm gonna extremely avenge my drinking buddy!_

_Mukuro: I'm just here for the bloodfest. Pay no mind, Cavallone. Kufufufufu…_

For some reasons, his new-found and short-lived psychic power did not show him what Kyoya would do. But, Dino was smart enough to figure that much out.

"Are you out of your mind, Superbi Squalo?!!! Do you want Xanxus and Kyoya to serve our famiglia roasted Horse and Shark-fin soup at our funeral while they buried our empty coffins?"

"You can die either way. Now, help me, your old friend, and you might have a chance to survive. Isn't the cloud brat traveling right now?" A satisfied sword emperor inquired.

"Okay, fine. I swear, Squalo, if anything happens…" Dread started to fill Dino's entire body.

"Good, let's make a few arrangements and make sure Xanxus will hear of our adventures."

* * *

In a sunny patio of a quaint coffee shop, two men were having an intimate moment at their table, talking in low voices and holding hands. Or so it would seem from Hibari's position across the street. An unknown rage boiled in his stomach and launched straight to his head.

Kusakabe and Hibari had just ended their trip early and the Cloud wanted to surprise his lover with a spontaneous visit. What the aloof guardian saw from the other side of Milan's busy street when the two stopped for coffee was not pleasing in the least.

Sending his bird to spy on the blonde and the silver head, Hibari took his time to consider an appropriate retribution. However, he noticed that Dino did not look that comfortable in his own skin; the blonde's stiff body contradicted whatever the pair wanted to project. When the Shark reached over, grabbed his companion's chin and attempted to pull their face closer, the Italian boss fell out of his chair in a tumbling heap.

"Squalo, Dino, Xanxus, asshole, jealous." His little fluff ball chirped his report, returning to Hibari's side, landing on his finger. A sadistic smirk emerged on the Cloud's lips.

"We're going to visit the Varia first, Tetsuya." Hibari entered his car and allowed the puzzled right- hand-man no further explanation.

* * *

The first confirmation of Hibari's theory came in the form of an ominously demonic aura shrouding the Varia Headquarter. Various dying screams were heard, followed by jumbled apologies and unmistakable sounds of objects being shattered. When the Cloud stepped inside, no servants or maids attempted to stop him. The usual Varia members did not appear randomly to bother him like before. A deadly silence now enshrined the Varia boss' office, warning all visitors of its owner's infamous wrath.

Hibari opened the wooden door and approached the sulking figure.

"Monkey King, how are you doing?" The Cloud walked slowly towards Xanxus' throne.

"Get out, trash!" The room temperature increased at least five more degrees. Undeterred, the skylark circled around and took a seat in front of the brooding Xanxus.

"Then, it's true. The Shark had left you to join my Horse." A quick tug of Hibari's lips. His answer came in twin pools of crimson rage.

"I have a proposal for you, Monkey King. Two can play at this jealousy game they started. You do want your second-in-command back, don't you?"

Before Xanxus could voice his opinion, the office door was kicked open in a loud bang. Levi rushed inside the chamber with tears in his eyes and snots running down his face.

"Boss!!! I will not let this brat corrupt your virtues! Please do not listen to his nonsense!" A desperate cry.

"Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?" An annoyed skylark spared the intruder a glacial glare.

"Ushishishi… The prince wants to see Levi's demise…" Bel and Fran chose that moment to follow the devoted Levi. However, the sight before them stopped Bel's snide comment.

"Ooh, and the drama unfolds…" Fran's attempt to narrate was halted by Xanxus' pulsing flame.

The pair alternated their gaze from Levi to Hibari to Xanxus and maintained the intense staring process as if they were watching a three-way battle to the death. Not one to be interrupted by a spoiled prince and his froggy pet, Levi continued his noisy protest, failing to notice Xanxus' glowing right hand.

"Boss doesn't need captain Squalo back. I, Levi, am willing to devote my soul and offer my body for the Boss' many manly desires…"

And, a raging ball of fire flew out of Xanxus' hand, hit Levi straight in the face and successfully desecrated a good chunk of the Varia Castle. Having relieved his 'stress', Xanxus turned to Hibari and accepted his proposal. _I'd rather follow the brat's scheme than sleep with the creep Levi for the rest of my life. Dumb Shark, I thought you knew better... Hell will freeze over before I let anyone else touch what is mine! _

While the Varia Leader and Vongola Cloud shook hands to seal their agreement, Bel lowered Fran to the ground after using him to shield the knife-wielder from their boss' flame of destruction. The two looked at each other and somehow the pair of assassins rediscovered their ability to fear in the identical malicious gleams shining through Xanxus' and Hibari's orbs. Running out of the room, Bel and Fran arranged for a vacation to recover from this apocalyptic event.

* * *

Hibari left the Varia Headquarter with an invisible smirk, heading for the Cavallone Mansion. Once there, the skylark and Kusakabe's intrusion went uncontested. The Cloud reached Dino's office within a minute and took a seat while waiting for Romario.

As Dino's right-hand-man, Romario was used to surprises and life's unpredictability. Still, being summoned by Hibari in his own residence definitely topped Squalo's audacious demand of his boss. But, being a sensible being, Romario understood how much this Japanese youth meant to the Cavallone Head and why no one would jeopardize Dino's happiness by upsetting the Cloud Guardian.

Upon entering his don's private chamber, Romario was greeted by an unexpected aura of dark hostility that could never associate with Dino's sunny personality. Only Hibari Kyoya was capable of turning the Italian's peaceful sanctuary into a cold dreary place. When Romario stood before the mahogany desk, a seated Hibari turned Dino's leather chair around, facing him with the sunlight illuminating the Japanese's contour, looking very much like a vengeful Mafia boss on his personal bloody throne. Even Kusakabe appeared tense and stiff in the presence of this Macbeth-esque Hibari.

"Where is the Bucking Horse, Romario?" A threat-laden question, delivered in a confident tone.

Before the Italian right-hand-man could answer, the skylark promptly warned him.

"Consider this carefully. I want his agenda with Superbi Squalo. If you know what's good for the herbivore, you will provide me the information truthfully."

Romario considered his options; after all, Dino did not anticipate Hibari's unannounced return.

"On one condition, you will not bite our boss to death, so to speak, for what he engaged in with Squalo."

"You are in no position to negotiate. I already knew Squalo's general scheme; I only need the specific locations and schedule. But, I will promise that the Bronco won't die." Hibari's answer came through clenched teeth, but approval danced in his grey orbs.

Romario relented and gave the Cloud all the details that Dino disclosed to him in case of emergency. After accomplishing his goals, the proud guardian stalked out of the Cavallone's office with an apologetic Tetsuya, leaving a worried Romario behind.

* * *

A couple of days later, a distressed Tsuna clutched his cell phone in trembling hands, trying his best to shake the last two text messages out of existence.

"Lie to me, Gokudera-kun! Please tell me they will not visit our Japanese base anytime soon." Handing over his phone to the loyal Storm, Tsuna was sweating bullets on his leather seat.

_I'm coming to Japan and will stay at your base for awhile. Squalo._

_Expect me at the Vongola Base, trash. Xanxus._

The brilliant guardian could not find a word to comfort Tsuna, so he patted the young boss' back and assured him nervously that everything would be all right.

Since the morning's terrifying news, Tsuna had exhausted himself with paperworks, hoping to find relief in temporary amnesia. And, relief did come when the sweet don succumbed to the August heat and its lethargic quality. So, on a beautiful sunny afternoon, Tsuna drifted happily into dreamland.

_His famiglia was having a wonderful gathering. Tsuna sat on his comfortable armchair overlooking his guardians and allies in various fond conversations. On one sofa to his right, Squalo draped an arm over Dino-san in the most affectionate manner. Xanxus and Hibari-san were having a pleasant discussion across from those two. Directly facing him were Mukuro and Chrome-chan who seemed to be lost in their own happy bubble. The world was just a perfectly joyous and serene place where everybody got along. Even Reborn looked pleased with Tsuna's amazing accomplishment in uniting the famiglia. His home tutor was sincerely patting his shoulder to congratulate him…_

In reality, Dino was shaking the young boss' shoulders to wake him up. Tsuna opened his drowsy eyes, still glazed over by his own fantasy. The Vongola Decimo smiled indulgently at Squalo and Dino, failing to notice how Squalo's arm entangled the Cavallone Don's reluctant one.

"Squalo, Dino-san, how glad I am to see you guys so happy together…" Tsuna complimented absentmindedly.

Stepping back, Dino and Squalo exchanged perturbed glances and announced their intention.

"Brat, we'll be staying here for a little while." Squalo resisted the urge to bellow this information.

"Um…we're gonna go to the guest room now, Tsuna. Take care of yourself, okay!" Dino cast more worried looks over his shoulders on the way out.

Half an hour afterward, Tsuna snapped out of his dream state, feeling as if he missed a major turn of event. Quickly, he laid his head down to recover from his abrupt movements and dispel his delusional daydream. Unfortunately for him, Xanxus and Hibari chose that precise moment to barge into his office.

"Worthless Trash!" greeted the Varia leader.

Convinced that the Varia boss and his Cloud could never stand in the same room without a reenactment of the Armageddon, Tsuna swiftly decided that the sight before him was simply an illusion his abused mind came up to help him cope with the brutal reality. And, what would a sensible person do to wistful products of one's overactive imagination? Deny their existence, of course!

"Go away, hallucination! Go haunt someone else, will you! Get out of my sight!" A tired Tsuna waved his arms around, trying to make them disappear.

And, BAM, real life hit him with its full vengeance.

Xanxus' gun was pointing dangerously close to his forehead, the heated weapon evaporated Tsuna's sweat in an instant. Hibari stifled his laugh through a small cough. Watching Tsuna dismissing Xanxus was a great treat!

Tsuna almost peed his pants when Death, in Xanxus's form, once again gave him an up-close and personal demonstration. World peace and famiglia harmony were gone in a flash. If things kept up like this, Tsuna would not reach retirement in one piece. _Heart attacks for free, anyone?_

"Now that you know we're here. Stay out of our way, scum!" Xanxus stormed towards the exit, following an amused skylark. Tsuna was unable to utter a single syllable in protest.

Slumping back against his large chair, Tsuna shook his head a couple more times just to be sure. His senses had caught up with the reality of Squalo's and Xanxus' appearance in the Vongola Japanese Base. Tsuna's daydream of a peaceful and loving Famiglia turned around and bit him squarely in the butts. With Squalo accompanied by his 'older brother' and Xanxus in Hibari's company, the young boss did not need his exalted Hyper Intuition to foresee a nightmare coming true.

Now, Tsuna had two choices. He could either accept this apocalyptic turn of event or admit his insanity and uncontrollable hallucinations. Fortunately, or not, Tsuna's Mist Guardian hand-picked this moment of the don's self-doubt to materialize in front of his desk.

"Kufufufu… Tsunayoshi-kun, I have come to renew the promise I made. Would you like me to fulfill it now? Possessing your body will be a …"

Before Mukuro could finish his sentence, Tsuna practically jumped out over his desk, eyes brimming with tears.

"Mukuro, you don't know how HAPPY I am to see you now! Thank Kami you are still normal! I am still sane and the world is…" Tsuna exclaimed emotionally.

Tsuna's attempt to hug the Mist was stopped short by Mukuro's extended left hand. Holding Tsuna at arm-length, pushing against the brunette's forehead, the elusive guardian switched his pointy trident into a horizontal position, ready to make a Tsuna kabob when his survival dictated. _What the hell happened to you???_

While Tsuna was flailing his arms around, still trying to embrace his 'sanity', Mukuro looked over towards the exit and bolted for the opening.

"Perhaps I'll come back another time, Tsunayoshi-kun!" His sweating palm removed from the boss' head. _When you return to your senses for example. For the first time, I sincerely thought taking over your body might not be such a good idea…That wasn't fun…_

When Mukuro left the office, Tsuna dropped himself on the floor, wondering whether he should feel relief or self-pity. Good things first, of course, because without optimism he would never have survived this position for so long.

_Mukuro will not pester me about possessing my body anytime soon after this fiasco…or so I hoped._

_I am sure of my fragile mental state. No, I did not hallucinate the presence of Squalo and Xanxus in peaceful company with the least likely people. _

On the other hand, Tsuna's inner self was banging its head against the wall for the exact same reasons.

_It knows that when your infamous obsessive stalker refused to let you touch him, treated you like a contaminated animal and ran away in fear, you are not in the best of shape (translation: I'm too insane for the psychotic maniac!)._

_Squalo and Dino! Xanxus and Hibari! What on earth is going on? Somehow it knew this will turn into my custom-made hell._

Back to the outside world, Tsuna felt he needed to take up a vice quickly to preserve his humanity. For Xanxus, it was the alcohol. For Byakuran, it was the marshmallows. Obviously, every leader needed something to relieve the pain of leadership, or so Tsuna reasoned in his search for such healing substances. _Hmm,_ _which one is better, smoking pot or sniffing glue? Maybe both, that oughta show them…_

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**Hello everyone! I'm getting addicted to reviews and comments. It doesn't have to be long, just let me know what you think! I'm hoping for ~5-6 reviews for this chapter. It would really motivate me in writing more… Thank you for reading, see you next time ****:) **


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

Thank you once again for all the reviews, favorites and alerts!!! You guys have made my days and exceeded my expectation. Please continue leaving your comments for this chapter as well. Grazie! Have fun and enjoy!

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**Two Can Play at This Game:**

**Chapter 2: The Manner Game!**

That night, an optimistic Squalo ended the call with the Vongola Rain Guardian. Announcing his stay in their Japanese Base, the Shark also offered the possibility that they would be able to train together this time around; an invitation which Yamamoto was quite enthusiastic to accept.

"Dino, get off your lazy ass and let's go out for dinner!" Squalo glanced at his companion who had been made to share this guest bedroom with him.

"I don't want to." whined the blonde, lying on his back with his feet still touching the floor. Dino let out a small sigh, closing his eyes and thinking about how this would affect Kyoya.

Amazed that the cheerful idiot refused to go outside, Squalo literally dragged the young boss to his feet and forced him to change into clean clothes. When the commotions died down, the two decently dressed men walked down the hall, heading to downtown Namimori.

Both of them never thought that Xanxus might be staying in the guestroom across from Tsuna's bedroom, such close proximity. At seven pm, they left the estate, looking for a nice restaurant.

* * *

On the streets of Namimori, Dino kept either glancing over his shoulders as if looking out for militant guerillas or inspecting the sewage system to judge its usefulness in his vital escape plan from an unexpected ambush. _For God's sake, we're the Mafia and the Mafia assassin. Stop being so paranoid, stupid blonde! _

Getting fed up with Dino's obsessive behaviors, Squalo marched into an expensive-looking sushi place, pulling the Cavallone's frightened body inside.

"You need to get some backbones, Dino! I promised your famiglia you'll be safe with me, didn't I?" Squalo sat down at one of the booths the waitress showed them. Folding his legs on the cushion, Dino looked miserably at his 'protector'. _I'll need more than you to save me from Kyoya and Xanxus._

"Why picked the Vongola Japanese Base? Kyoya's men are everywhere; he'll hear of it in no time." Dino muttered in regret, gluing his gaze to the low table between them.

"Because the brats will serve as witnesses for our escapades. That way, the asshole boss will have more reasons to move his butts and do something appropriate. And, do act like my lover, not my tormented slave, you love-sick dog!" Squalo announced his reasoning confidently, sipping the steamy bowl of miso soup.

Without the energy to contradict the sword emperor's statements, Dino decided to raise his face from its downward position to face Squalo directly.

Suddenly, bits of tofu, scallions, miso paste and spits splashed out in front of him, splattering on the empty table in all directions. _Was that supposed to be my smelly awakening, Squalo?_ Across from him, the silver-haired man was coughing profusely. Reaching for his napkin, Dino swiftly cleaned his area and leaned on the tabletop to help his friend.

Unfortunately for him, his back was facing the restaurant's main entrance, so he was not privileged to the sight that Squalo caught. Instead, his impending doom reached his ears when the nice waitress announced the restaurant's esteemed patrons.

"Hibari-san and honorable guest! Welcome, please come this way with me!" The young woman proclaimed Dino's death sentence with such delight.

Immediately, the Italian boss snapped his head sideway and saw not only his Kyoya, but also Xanxus of the Varia walking side-by-side toward the booth across from them. Dino's heart stopped beating. Squalo, recovered from his coughing fit, stared in wonder with his lower jaw slacking.

Following Hibari's lead, Xanxus leisurely took off his shoes before stepping on the tatami floor and sitting cross-legged on the designated zabuton (Japanese-style sitting cushion).

When Squalo and Dino recovered from their shock, the spying on their respective love interest commenced. Right after one little detail.

"Suki-san, your strongest sake, please! And, don't stop refilling!" It seemed that he and Dino shared the same idea.

Every chance they got, the pair would stare at the odd couple from impossible corners of their eyes. If this went on for the whole night, their eyeballs would probably be stuck that way. However, that was a small price for witnessing Hibari and Xanxus behaving as civilized human beings in each other's company.

Squalo drained his sake cup when Hibari showed Xanxus what to order. Reaching over, the skylark offered his opinions on each sushi/ sashimi set. Xanxus attentively listened to his dining companion with a small smirk on his face. _What the hell! You never listen to me before, Xanxus…gr…gr…_

Dino dropped a piece of sushi he was holding precariously near his opened mouth the moment Xanxus brushed his fingers against Kyoya's hand. Looking into the Cloud's eyes, the Varia leader pointed at an item on Hibari's menu and not so accidentally caressed his cool skin. Overlooking the goosebumps they sported, the determined pair successfully made this touch appear affectionate enough for the others' watchful eyes.

The once casual conversation at the blond Italian's table turned into restrained animalistic growls and dreadful moans while Xanxus and Hibari seemed perfectly content in their low chattering voices.

Dino unintentional entered a drinking game with himself whenever his Kyoya performed an intimate act for Xanxus. All dining and polite pretenses were dropped as the blonde and silver-head focused their gaze directly on the deadly pair.

Squalo kept his own stock of sake bottles to his right while Dino assembled his army of sake-filled cups upfront. The burning liquid they insisted on pouring down their throat did nothing to ease their jealous rage; but it certainly helped numbing the pain.

The skylark politely put a piece of tuna sushi on Xanxus' plate. Dino swallowed five drinks, consecutively. _I spent years to get that treatment from you, Kyoya. I wanna weep right now, if not for Squalo's stupid game… _

Xanxus carefully poured sake into Hibari's empty cup. As they raised their cups in cheers, Squalo drained a whole bottle of wine as if it was water. _What the fuck?! Xanxus, you asshole, you've never done anything like that for me!!!_

And, the crowning moment of the night, Xanxus took out his wallet and paid for the bill with a generous tip, no fussing or cursing ensued. Dino's head hit their sake-soaked table with a loud thud, a sign of defeat as clear as a white flag. Squalo was doing his best to force the boiling bile in his throat back to where it belonged with little success.

When the sadistic pair walked out of the restaurant, the alcohol these two hapless souls consumed kicked in with its relentless brutality. Dino and Squalo were beyond drunk. Countless empty bottles and cups scattered on the smooth wooden surface and the matted floor.

"It's closing time, sirs. Here's your bill."

Dragging the blonde to his feet, Squalo searched for the boss' money and put down however much his spinning head could count. A very happy waitress bid them goodnight as two depressed and drunken men wandered out of the sushi shop, wondering exactly how to get back to the Vongola Base.

* * *

The next morning, Squalo woke up with a pounding headache and a body feeling like it had been wrecked by Bel's knives and Levi's lightning multiple times. His clothes were soaked with water, hopefully. Getting up on trembling knees, the sword emperor realized that they had spent the night on the front lawn of the Vongola estate. First orders of business, as Squalo left the blond boss behind and drudged toward the mansion, were throwing up and relieving his bladder.

After regaining his mental faculty, Squalo decided to enlist another player for his team. On steady feet, the sword emperor walked toward Yamamoto's room and asked him to spar in the nearby forest.

The Japanese swordsman agreed enthusiastically since there had not been much action or business in these summer months. Unknown to both eager parties, an irritated Gokudera had woken up and heard of their plan. Being left behind, the genius was sulking on Takeshi's bed, questioning Squalo's suspicious request.

On the other side, Hibari was looking down from the full-length window of his room, gazing at one sleeping form of Dino Cavallone atop wet grass.

"Tetsu, tell the subordinates to bring the Bronco to his bedroom. He's on the front lawn." Hibari commanded into his phone before hanging up.

A few minutes later, the skylark turned away from the window and started on his day after Dino was carried inside the Vongola villa.

On his way to the main hall, Hibari encountered an angry Gokudera who impressively was separated from his joined-at-the-mouth twin, Yamamoto. _Another possible participant for my game!_

"Gokudera Hayato, spar with me today!" the plotting Cloud offered.

The Storm looked up from his sullen pose, quirked an eyebrow, but quickly acquiesced.

In the meantime, in their own corner of the forest, Squalo managed to explain to Yamamoto the gist of his complicated plan.

"So, it's a game you're playing with Xanxus and Dino. Sounds fun! Count me in when you need me, ha ha…" the Rain guardian summed up his simplistic understanding of the situation.

_Ok, maybe my explanation did not get through to the brat's thick skull, but I got what I needed. Phew…_Squalo nodded his head, accepting this small victory.

In another corner, Hibari dodged the numerous dynamites thrown his way and disarmed the aggravated Storm temporarily. When the explosions died down, they could hear the clashing of steel swords, the cheerful laughter of one natural-born hitman and the loud vocalization of Superbi Squalo.

"It seems your partner is having fun with the Italian Shark, herbivore." taunted the skylark.

"It's none of your goddamn business!" The Vongola's right-hand man could barely hide his frustration.

"He left you behind for the Shark, did he not?" goaded the confident Cloud.

"What the hell do you know?! Leave me the fuck alone!" The Storm looked toward the source of those sounds, knitting his brows tightly.

"When you have enough of this, I can help you take the clueless herbivore's attention back." Hibari resumed the fight and led them to a different location.

* * *

In the Vongola's main office, Tsuna was celebrating the fact that he had finished his paperworks early and could start enjoying his free time. Looking out the beautiful window, he was glad that they no longer had to keep the base underground in this future. At least he had been until Reborn arrived. _Please no more, I have done more than enough for this week._

"As the boss, I expect you to be more perceptive of your allies and famiglia members." His tutor perched himself on Tsuna's desk.

Three question marks popped up on top of Tsuna's head.

"Out of the kindness of my heart, I, your personal home tutor, will let you in on a little secret that you should have known already." Reborn fixed his fedora while giving Tsuna a small smirk.

A gulp was his answer.

"Dino and Hibari are together. Xanxus and Squalo just need to get their acts together. And, Gokudera is with Yamamoto, of course!"

With his eyeballs almost popped out of their socket, Tsuna stammered, "Then, Squalo and Dino-san are… But, Xanxus and Hibari-san… Huh?!"

"And, the fun part for a good Mafia boss is to figure that out! I'll leave that to your capable brain." Reborn turned to leave. Tsuna was still in denial.

"One more thing, you should organize a welcome party for your guests tonight. An after-dinner tea party would do. Invite your guardians, too!"

Trying to wrap his brain around the idea of a tea party for his homicidal famiglia, Tsuna meekly nodded and began to make arrangements.

Fifteen minutes later, every guardian and ally within reach received the message. Every guest in the mansion, Xanxus and Dino, was extended a personal invitation.

* * *

In his private chamber, a contemplating Mukuro was holding a confidential conversation with his beloved Chrome.

"… and I practically ran out of Tsunayoshi-kun's office covered in cold sweats. What do you think, my dear? Was I overreacting? More importantly, what was wrong with me?" Mukuro was getting angry at himself.

"I think it's cute how boss was trying to give you a hug." Chrome smiled in a very fangirl-like fashion.

"Chrome-chan, the day Sawada Tsunayoshi actually wants to hold me in warm embrace is the day Xanxus and 'Kyo-kun' announce they are meant to be together till the end of time." Mukuro responded warily.

"Hmm…" Chrome looked out the sunny window, lost in her own fantasy of such events.

"Perhaps it was just my nerve. It's been a while since I last interacted with Tsunayoshi-kun. Or is it reverse psychology he used? Is he using some sorts of illusion? A better illusionist than I am?! Impossible!!! Hmm… Nah, it's just me and my paranoia. Next time, I will not run away from my cute prey!" Finishing his soliloquy, the playful Mist convinced himself to give 'the taking over Tsuna's body scheme' another chance.

Looking down at his cell phone's screen, he grinned at the perfect opportunity tonight.

* * *

After an unpleasant dinner sprinkled with stress, Tsuna entered the main meeting room in slow steps, hoping to delay the inevitable. Upon reaching and sitting on his armchair, Tsuna cast a worried look around the room, fully expecting to see some kind of bloody battles.

Instead, on the sofa next to him, Gokudera and Yamamoto were sitting together, both smiling at him. Reborn sat on his arm rest, enjoying a cup of tea. Letting out a breath, Tsuna bravely looked onto the right.

A chicly suited Squalo was sharing the velvet sofa with Dino-san. Slowly, the sword emperor snaked his right arm around Dino-san's waist and the blonde's nervous smile suddenly turned upside down as he squirmed uncomfortably.

Across from them, Xanxus sat on a throne-like armchair with Hibari-san on his armrest, looking completely content. Tsuna's eyes widened when they witnessed the Cloud's left arm casually draped over the Varia leader's shoulders, long fingers toying with the colorful feathers attached to Xanxus-san's hair. Said assassin boss was twirling his drink serenely, eyes closed, ice cubes clanking melodically against clear glass.

Directly in front of Tsuna were Mukuro and Chrome-chan. Both wore cheerful grins, though Mukuro's one was more on the malicious side. A sense of déjà vu entered Tsuna's mind. _Is it me or I've seen this before…in my daydream the other day?!! _

Having accounted for his circle of guests, he stated his welcome and wished them a good time at the Base. Before Tsuna could attempt a conversation starter, the sound of an eleven -year-old Lambo stuffing his face at the dessert table echoed through the relatively quiet chamber.

Standing in front of his seat with a tea cup in hands, Tsuna was about to sit down when Chrome's innocent comment stopped him dead in his track.

"Boss, the girls and I think it's time for you to find a special someone in your life. We (translation: the yaoi fangirls) could give you a few suggestions if you'd like. What do you say, bossu?" Chrome batted her beautiful lashes suggestively at Tsuna, feigning innocent adoration.

All eyes turned on him, some with badly concealed humor. _If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to quicken my death, Chrome-chan._

"Umm, ano…" Tsuna was sweating bullets, this was so not the topic he wanted to discuss in such lovely companies (translation: people who found his misery the best entertainment).

"How about Hibari-san?" The mentioned guardian shared a smirk with Xanxus, cast Tsuna a condescending look and shot a challenging glare at Dino. Gokudera choked on absolutely nothing while Yamamoto patted his back and beamed at the Cloud.

"Or Mukuro-sama? I would not mind sharing Mukuro-sama with you either!" It seemed that Chrome-chan took Tsuna's uneasy silence for consent and continued to torture him this way.

"Kufufufu… Would you like that, little uke?" It was clear Chrome was not the only yaoi manga fan around here.

From a corner of Tsuna's desperate glimpse, Gokudera snorted behind his fist while Yamamoto flashed him a thumb-up. Hibari glared murderously at the male Mist guardian who ignored him in favor of licking his lips seductively at the nervous Vongola boss.

"Or do you prefer Dino-san, boss? That's Kyoko-chan's choice by the way." Chrome-chan pressed on after sharing a fond look with Mukuro.

Hibari-san turned his death glare on Tsuna in an instant. Dino-san glanced sheepishly between the young don and his angry lover.

"Stay away from my Dino, you can have anyone else! Don't you think Dino and I make a better pair than you and the Bronco, Tsunayoshi?" Squalo ran a teasing hand along the Cavallone boss' chest after his loud declaration. Dino tried to inch away from his friend, unable to look at his lover any longer. Xanxus gave them all a disdainful glare, his lips pursing in disgust. The Shark crossed his slacks-covered legs and flicked his silky strands at Xanxus.

Feeling as if he was being roasted alive with all the intense staring, Tsuna closed his eyes for a brief second and prayed for a miracle to deliver him. _Please, Kami-sama above, let there be a crack on the floor that swallows me right where I am. I promise to personally thank the construction company for their faulty design if you could let me fall straight from this spot to the lowest underground basement level._

No such miracle happened. Tsuna opened his eyes and considered a couple of answer options while his panicked inner self ran around in circles, preparing for its demise.

_If I say 'no' which implies Dino-san and I are better off together, Hibari-san will make minced meat out of me in two seconds flat._

_If I say 'yes' which means I approve of Squalo and Dino-san's being together, I will become a well-done steak, tenderized by Hibari-san's tonfas and grilled by Xanxus' flame of fury._

_Is crying an acceptable answer?_

"It's a yes or no question, brat! How hard can it be?" the sword emperor demanded impatiently.

While Tsuna was debating, Xanxus' outraged reaction saved him from imminent death. And, Tsuna thought such day would never come! _Wait, where's the apocalypse?_

BAM. Xanxus' scotch glass made contact with Squalo's turned head, shattering the fragile material and dousing the silver mane in cold liquor.

Storming out of the room in fury, Xanxus signaled for Hibari-san and the two left without a word. The other occupants delved in the stunned silence. Dino-san glared at Squalo, but the Shark was too busy cleaning his hair to notice.

Soon, everyone left the chamber after bidding Tsuna good night.

* * *

As the last person to return to his room, Tsuna heard a muffled discussion behind Xanxus' door. Judging it was not worth the risk to eavesdrop, the nice boss quickly retreated into his own sanctuary. Before he could sigh in relief, someone knocked on his closed door.

"Boss, I understand why you could not answer Squalo's question." Chrome gave him a quick hug as Tsuna led her inside. _Finally, someone sympathizes with my dilemma._

"You clearly have a crush on Dino-san! That's why you looked so pale and uncomfortable tonight." Chrome was nodding her head, pleased with her assessment. _No, Chrome-chan! I was fearing for my life._ Tsuna viciously shook his head to refute such false allegation.

"Don't be shy, boss! Would you like me to let him know? I can tell the others for you…" Chrome looked into his chocolate orbs, smiling sweetly.

"NO! Please no! Thank you, Chrome-chan, but I don't like Dino-san that…" Tsuna was having an anxiety attack. _Do you want me to be bitten to death? _

"Are you sure? I completely understand. We can help you!" Chrome stared at him in disbelief while holding his sweating hands between hers and Tsuna felt chills running down his spine.

"No, it's perfectly fine! Trust me, please Chrome! Promise me you will not tell a soul." The brunette tried desperately to convince her otherwise. _The possibility that I may be straight or just uninterested never crosses anyone's mind around here, doesn't it?_

"If you insist, but at least take these…reading materials…They'll help…" Chrome cheerfully pressed the questionable books into Tsuna's empty hands on her way out. Glancing at the suggestive covers, the innocent don blushed and swiftly shoved them underneath his bed. _Even if I did like Dino-san that way, I wouldn't want to find out how creative Hibari-san could be in torturing me…_

Finally, when Chrome made her promise and left his bedroom, Tsuna threw himself on the soft mattress, grateful he had just evaded a potential disaster. That night, the sweet boss was plagued with unwanted but long and vivid dreams of what Hibari-san would do to Dino-san and him. _Sometimes I wish Byakuran would come back and save me from my famiglia... Why can't I have normal and loyal followers like him?! _

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**Hello, dear readers! I'm hoping for ~5-6 reviews for this chapter. Also, I promise the next chapter will be funnier than this one. Thank you for reading, see you next week. **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

I would like to thank you for all the reviews, favorites and alerts. They really encouraged me a lot in the writing process. Although I will not post a new chapter for this story next Friday, I hope you guys will give my new one-shot a chance. It's for Hibari's birthday (May 5th) and I wanted to give him something special… That's all . Have fun and enjoy!

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**Two Can Play at This Game:**

**Chapter 3: The Festival Game!**

The beautiful morning arrived without a trace of Tsuna's late night brush with Death. At 11 am, the tired boss left his bedroom and proceeded toward the dining area, looking for foods. Before he entered the large room, the amount of noises and excited chatters promised him a happy gathering for this Saturday brunch instead of the thick tension from last night.

Taking his seat, Tsuna sighed in relief and began eating his breakfast while the mansion workers were going around the long table, taking orders, refilling and tending to everyone. At one point near the end of brunch, Haru and Kyoko politely asked them all to attend the summer festival later on this Saturday.

Most of his guardians agreed easily, some more eager than others and Hibari was not present to give his opinion. But, the overall consensus was enthusiasm, even his 'older brother' and Squalo wanted to join them as well. Chrome winked at him; her innocent eye twinkled with happiness.

Thinking that yesterday's fiasco was already in the past, Tsuna went to the villa's rooftop pool in his red shorts, hoping to relax his tense muscles this afternoon.

Lying down on a lounge chair, the sweet boss, for once, truly appreciated this rare window of 'alone time'. Sadly, as fate would have it, he was soon joined by a sleepy-looking Cloud in a white cotton shirt and light khaki pants. Holding his breath, Tsuna followed his guardian's movement and observed surreptitiously as the skylark settled on the lounge chair to his left.

As Tsuna exhaled softly beside the napping guardian, Squalo broke the peaceful silence with his loud entrance and Dino followed him onto the rooftop, both wearing nothing except matching navy swim trunks. The sword emperor took his friend to the opposite side of the pool, facing Tsuna and his now greatly irritated Cloud.

The two Italians sat on the edge of the pool with their legs dipped in the sparkling water of the azure pool. Once settled down, the Shark produced a bottle of sunblock while the Bronco carefully placed his turtle on the chair behind him.

"Kufufufu… How interesting!" Tsuna's Mist guardian made his presence known from behind the young boss' lounge chair, all the while ignoring Hibari's death glares. The illusionist rested his elbows on the back of Tsuna's chair; his head hovering above the brunette's mane. Tsuna was glad that his Cloud chose to refocus on his texting instead of challenging Mukuro into a bloody battle like so many times before.

To distract himself, the nice don switched his attention onto the couple in front of him. Coincidentally, Dino was applying sunscreen on Squalo's back and Tsuna could not pull his gaze away from them. The blonde's fingers meticulously moved across the muscular canvas, spreading the lotion evenly before stopping at the swordsman's shoulders. The enthralled brunette did not even feel a few droplets of liquid seeping through his scalp at the moment.

A moment later, instead of breathing, Tsuna found himself staring once again to his right when a fuming Xanxus approached the last empty lounge chair on his side. The dangerous Varia leader, clad in an unbuttoned shirt and casual black slacks, caught the aloof Cloud's eyes before narrowing his smoldering eyes at the half-naked pair.

Being a well-trained Mafia boss that he was, Tsuna detected a distinct sound of Xanxus' guns vibrating in rapid intervals. As enticed as he was by the performance from the opposite side, Tsuna could not stop worrying about Xanxus' angry ticks.

The next thing he knew, Squalo was spreading lotion on his self-proclaimed older brother's abdominal muscles. Tsuna was not so sure if this simple task was supposed to be so arousing, but he found his eyes hypnotized by the circular hand motions and the ways those long fingers playfully caressing the Bucking Horse's toned stomach. Dino was turning pale from holding his breath for too long, dreading the ominous glaring.

It took Tsuna a few minutes to notice the rise in temperature that he initially assumed was from his inner excitement. Looking to his left, Hibari-san was gripping his armrests in a suffocating chokehold; his white knuckles tightened around the innocent objects as if they were constricting his archenemy's throat.

From both his right and left side, Tsuna could experience the intense heat waves radiating from his allies' once indifferent body. Too concerned with his body being turned to seared ahi tuna, the young boss did not notice the increasing wetness atop his head. As Mukuro leaned out further to enjoy the seductive show before him, more liquid dropped on Tsuna's torso.

While Squalo and Dino engaged in their fascinating acts, Xanxus quickly strode away from his spot, jerking his head curtly at Hibari. Tsuna immediately covered his head in primal survival instincts only to witness his dangerous hitmen walking to the opposite side of the pool.

Once the two positioned themselves behind the busy Shark and Bronco, angry feet shoved the sitting pair face-first into the serene pool. After a lot of cursing from Squalo and splashing from Dino, one blond mop and one silver head popped out of the clear water. On the other side, Tsuna and Mukuro watched the show unfolding with great anticipation.

Making sure of their intended audience's attention, Xanxus closed the distance between his body and the Cloud's. His hands reached out and slowly unclasped Hibari's buttons. Deadly fingers maneuvered gently and expertly through the fabrics, revealing the skylark's chiseled upper body. His dark eyes shone with mischievousness and appreciation as the guardian's sculpted flesh emerged. Twin smirks appeared on their lips. Without breaking eye contact, Hibari's tongue wetted his lower lip casually.

The sword emperor was rooted to his spot, unable to either stop Xanxus or control his rising fury. Mukuro drifted silently onto a better location on the edge, mismatched eyes gleaming with glee. The Mist seemed entirely too happy with the free shows he was watching.

The moment Hibari's removed shirt fell on the rooftop, Dino's sinking head disappeared from the surface, leaving behind only a faint reflection of the blond mop and numerous bubbles in his space. Casting a glance around his 'stage', Hibari spoke for the first time this afternoon.

"Let's take this inside, Monkey King. We wouldn't want to scar the naïve herbivore for life." A mocking chuckle escaped the Cloud's throat.

"Fine!" Xanxus glared at Tsuna before heading in, his eyes unreadable.

"Will you give that turtle some water, Monkey King?" Hibari pointed at Enzio while Tsuna stared in eye-popping disbelief and horror.

Meanwhile, Xanxus, being the 'sensitive' person he was (translation: violent and abusive), picked up Dino's pet and effortlessly tossed the small creature over his shoulders into the peaceful pool.

Tsuna's reaction this time was to close his eyes and curse his fate. _Someone up there sure hates me a lot. Even my own happy daydream was turned into the dreadful session of last night torture. I prayed for the building to crack open and swallow me yesterday only to have the wish come true fifteen hours later, courtesy of a Godzilla-size turtle. If I weren't so dead, I would have laughed at this irony. But no,…Kami-sama, please save me!!!_

Luckily for Tsuna, he would not have to enter the eternal hall of shame by becoming the first ever homeless Mafia boss of the Vongola. The moment a seething Squalo yanked Dino's head out of the drowning embrace of water, the Cavallone saw Enzio flying toward him and caught the turtle in mid air by a stroke of pure luck.

Cracking one eye open, Tsuna prepared for acute chest pains and a disaster scene that would put any Hollywood production to shame. Instead, he was able to slowly exhale and took stock of the remaining famiglia. On the edge of his pool side, Mukuro was having a blissful look on his face, still high from Hibari and Xanxus' electrifying performance.

Running a nervous hand through his brown mane, Tsuna found it covered in a sticky red liquid. A quick check with his face and torso revealed the same red substance. Looking at his Mist, Tsuna found a rather conspicuous nose-bleed his perverted stalker was sporting. Leading from his lounge chair to the pool edge, a trail of blood drops mapped the way on the white roof.

Deciding that he had had enough excitement in one afternoon, Tsuna drudged his feet to the exit, heading for his own room. His abused brain could only process one little concern. _How am I gonna explain the blood covering my body, running down my legs and leaving its marks on the floor to every person I encounter from here to the door of my room?_

* * *

At 4 pm, Tsuna finished his hour-long shower and changed into casual clothes for the summer festival. Stepping into the main hall, the young boss saw the girls and his guardians assembled in civilian outfits and ready for the famiglia outing. Dino and Squalo were also waiting side-by-side near the front door while Xanxus and Hibari were nowhere to be found.

The long walk from the Vongola Japanese Base to the festival ground was even enjoyable thanks to the bright and windy weather. Kyoko, Haru and Lambo were the first to enter the busy park. Behind them were Chrome and Mukuro, lost in their own conversation. Tsuna and Gokudera strolled casually along while Yamamoto lagged slightly behind to listen to the sword emperor's heroic stories and Dino's factual clarifications.

An hour later, while roaming the booths for more games and junk foods, Tsuna and his best friends found Hibari and Xanxus exploring the festival together. And despite the crowded street, these two managed to form their personal bubble of space. Everyone steered clear of them as if there was an actual force field with a five-foot radius. The free skylark wore a simple blue shirt and pants, accompanied by Xanxus in his normal dress code and a Varia jacket hanging on his shoulders.

Dino and Squalo eventually caught onto their staring and paused to observe the pair as well. Stopping by booths that intrigued the two, Hibari accepted gifts and merchandises from vendors who wanted his good graces although the Cloud and his organization had long ended their amateur extortions in favor of the Mafia business. Tsuna's group was gazing in speechless wonder as Hibari shared his treasures with Xanxus who did not complain about the food, drinks or simple souvenirs.

A couple hours of wandering passed, the girls and Lambo went into a large pastry booth in search for novel creations while Tsuna and his guardians gathered in front of a fruit stand. Across from them, Hibari and Xanxus were waiting to try another vendor's edible products. Thanks to the two's combined aura, the street area in front of the two booths were empty, leaving a clear view for either side to observe.

Squalo surprisingly had the urge to seduce Xanxus or at least remind him of how much the Varia leader was missing without his company. Purchasing a beautiful persimmon, the Shark turned his body, giving the other pair a sideway profile of his performance and his supposed lover, Dino, an up close and personal show.

_Somewhere in his fantasy, the sword emperor would sweep back his silver hair, exposing strong neck and biting into this enticing fruit. The plump flesh would press against his lips tenderly while the sweet nectar would flow down and cover the lower half of his face in the most sensual manners. He would then proceed to lick, kiss and suck the red fruit with his tongue and mouth. The result would be an enthralled Dino and one jealous Xanxus rushing over to his side after being totally aroused by his borderline aggressive sexual display…_

Encouraged by his overactive imagination and festival-induced optimism, Squalo proceeded to sink his teeth into the big persimmon. With a chunk halfway into his mouth, Squalo realized the unpleasantness of the fruit's tart flesh could only be rivaled by the jaw-clenching sourness of its overflowing juice.

As the acid-like nectar dripped down his chin, Squalo took a quick glance in Xanxus' direction and found his boss staring fixedly at him. Convinced by a sense of unfound confidence, the Varia second in command quickly swallowed the unpalatable piece of fruit, steeling himself for the next move only to find both his targets (translation: Dino and Xanxus) were focusing on the Vongola Cloud instead.

In his haste to vent his fury, Squalo did not notice the rather indigestible seed included in his bite. Turning himself around to face Xanxus, the swordsman suddenly noticed his now wet sandals. Frustrated by the failure of his scheme and the fact that Dino's snow-cone was melting on his exposed feet while the blonde salivated at the pair across the street, the Shark opened his mouth, sucked in air and allowed the persimmon chunk to enter his body cavity.

Before he could utter a single syllable, the seed lodged itself in the middle of his esophagus, preventing its fruity companion from passing and causing the shark some breathing difficulties. Taking advantage of that, some of the acid-like juice in Squalo's mouth flowed down his trachea and disrupted his rather vital air flow. More choking, gagging and wheezing ensued.

SMACK! Fortunately for Squalo, the Vongola Mist appeared beside him and slapped his back with enough force to expel the Shark's lungs. Thankfully, the Varia swordsman coughed up the fruit, seed as well as its offending juices with Mukuro's help.

Unfortunately for Tsuna who chose to approach the coughing Squalo in concern a second too late, the sweet boss was showered with the sword emperor's rejected persimmon parts; mucous and saliva included with no extra charge.

Gingerly wiping his face, the Vongola Decimo caught sight of a smirking Mukuro and the brunette was quite confident that his Mist had not helped Squalo simply out of human decency. It was the second time today Tsuna was covered in someone's uncontrolled bodily fluids courtesy of one elusive illusionist. _And I've not even had sex yet; perfect, I could not wait…_

During Squalo's coughing episode, the vendor handed Hibari a generous order of hot takoyaki. Handing a bamboo stick to Xanxus, the skylark caught Dino's blatant staring. As planned, the two deadly men began to share the food, hopefully in a 'heart-warming' manner.

Not surprisingly, the Cloud found Xanxus lacking in subtle maneuverings; the reckless gun wielder was unused to delivering gentle gestures the way a certain Cavallone so generously dispensed. With one eye on the choking Shark, the Varia leader almost impaled the aloof guardian through the roof of his mouth with the sharp stick while trying to feed him an octopus ball.

A part of Hibari's heart unexpectedly contracted at memories of an Italian don patiently catering to his whims, attentively offering him foods and affectionate touches. _It's the stupid Bucking Horse's fault for helping the Shark!_ Though unconvinced by his own justification, Hibari refused to acknowledge how much he missed the blonde and how painful this game could be at times.

Instead, he retaliated by barely missing Xanxus' right eyeball in his effort to feed the Varia boss takoyaki with his bamboo stick. Had his skewering attempt succeeded, Squalo's one and only Chief Pissing Ass would have had to join the pirate crew. Neither party was happy with this event, but the stubborn mafiosi were determined to continue this charade until either Squalo or Xanxus yielded and admitted his true intentions.

When Squalo's choking fit was over, Dino returned to earth after spending all his attention on Hibari's activities. Tactfully cleaning his strands of drool, Dino became aware that Tsuna now walked alongside him, carefully avoiding contact with Squalo as well as Mukuro.

In the mean time, Squalo approached the Rain guardian with full intentions of using the Japanese swordsman for his 'game'. Grabbing Yamamoto, the sword emperor led him toward the lagging group, leaving a sulky Gokudera to stand underneath a tree while waiting for the girls to return from their cake feast.

A few feet away from the irritated Storm and tricky Mist, a laughing baseball idiot was enjoying himself with the Shark's recalling of his choking and coughing episode in front of Dino and Tsuna. An accusatory glare was shot at the Cavallone boss.

"It wasn't my fault I got distracted during your performance. Ow!!!" A kick to the blonde's right shin. _Nor was it my fault I wished to be in Xanxus' shoes, sharing delightful takoyaki with Kyoya. And, what happened to my snow-cone?!!_

"Just keep your head in the game, idiot!" growled a pissed Shark. Tsuna looked on, a couple of light bulbs lit up atop his wet mane.

* * *

While they were conversing, the Vongola right-hand man was getting increasingly fed up with his oblivious lover. Even though he was a genius when it came to fighting and planning, the Vongola Storm was not very adept at the arts of seduction. He should have spent more time reading dating tips than chasing after articles about UFOs and Lochness monster.

Failing to see Squalo's unsuccessful attempt, the volatile guardian glanced behind the tree and found the perfect food to entice his baseball idiot back to his side. Never mind that Yamamoto was not cheating on him or finding any special interest in his former tutor, Superbi Squalo.

Holding onto his newly purchased chocolate-covered banana, Gokudera tried to catch Yamamoto's eyes. The moment the Rain looked in his direction, the Storm put the cold banana into his mouth and did his best to imitate the sexual arousal such sucking motions, lips and tongue actions should elicit had this been a pornographic production. Immediately, Takeshi appeared at his side.

"You're eating it wrong, Hayato. Ha ha, are you sure I'm the idiot? Don't swallow the whole thing like that, you might choke on it like Squalo. Don't suck or lick too hard, either. It's not ice cream, you know!" The legendary baseball player instructed tentatively with a huge grin on his face.

Pulling the banana out of Hayato's stunned mouth, the natural-born hitman took his lover's left hand and helped him hold the delicious treat in the correct position.

"Here, take a bite before the chocolate melts off! I can't believe you don't remember how to eat this. We used to sell choco bananas back in middle school, remember?" The grin got wider and his honey eyes were almost closed. Somewhere behind the happy Rain, Squalo and Dino were chortling while Hayato's beloved boss sent him a few sympathetic looks.

If it were not so humiliating, the genius would have slapped his chocolate-smeared palm against his forehead. Meanwhile, Squalo took the chance to drag Yamamoto away while Gokudera fled from his embarrassing disposition. On his way to dispose the banana, Gokudera encountered Hibari with Xanxus following behind. Identical sadistic smirks foretold unpleasant things.

"Herbivore, that was very entertaining. Wouldn't you agree, Monkey King? When you are done with sucking on phallic objects, let me know." Hibari whispered his snide comment with a satisfied sneer while Xanxus was reenacting the Storm's pitiful attempt in obvious mirth.

"Guys, let's go see the fireworks! March to the hill we go! One, two…" Haru announced their destination, interrupting the Storm's homicidal rage.

Following the girls, Lambo, Mukuro, Squalo, Yamamoto and Dino, the two natural-born bullies left the fuming Hayato behind with Tsuna rushing to his side.

For the second time this evening, the brilliant right-hand man wanted to bang his head against a hard object; _the big tree over there would do_. If it had not been for his kind boss who held him back, the proud Storm would not had found such pathetically sad stress-relieving tactic beneath him to commit. _But the bastard was right; the baseball idiot did not understand my desperate display at all. Maybe, it's time for drastic measures… _

Keeping a good distance from Tsuna' independent guardian and violent ally, Gokudera formulated his own strategy to recapture his sweet but air-headed lover. Up ahead, Squalo and Yamamoto were talking in low voices and discussing their plan for later on tonight.

Tsuna had a distinct feeling that there would not be just fireworks in the sky tonight. At the rate things were progressing, he could expect an explosion of some sorts, courtesy of his beloved Famiglia (translation: hard-headed and violent-prone). Somewhere in his mind, inner Tsuna blamed his dad for either unintentionally giving him this deranged family or deliberately punishing him for being born a soft-hearted boy.

Mindlessly walking toward the hill with a brooding Gokudera, Tsuna briefly wondered if it was too late to switch places with Xanxus. _The Varia did not give Xanxus any trouble. They treated their boss with genuine admiration and Squalo knows how to run the group without his concern. Hmm…I wouldn't mind staying in a locked study, sitting on my butts all day, inhaling my favorite healing substance, losing my worries behind its smoke screen, constantly high…No troublemakers, no pain, no Reborn…_

"Tenth! Are you all right? Here, you should clean those strands of drool…" The concerned right-hand man was waving a napkin in front of Tsuna's hazy orbs.

After thanking his best friend, Tsuna sighed heavily, mourning his interrupted fantasy. _Now, when is a good time to secretly trade titles with Xanxus? _

Finally, they arrived at the top of the memorable hill of their middle school days. Let's the fireworks begin!!!

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**Hello dear readers! Please leave me your comments/ review for this chapter as well. I'm hoping for ~6 reviews this time. Thank you and see you next time****. **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

As the reviews trickled in, my motivation and inspiration returned. Thank you for your comments and thoughts! So, here's the next installment of this story. Have fun and enjoy!

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**Two Can Play at this Game:**

**Chapter 4: The Sex Game!**

And so, the big group settled on top of the hill, waiting for the firework show. To the far left, Haru, Kyoko and Chrome were chattering in excitement and joyous anticipation. The young Lambo sat near the girls, basking in their happiness and attention. Mukuro leaned against a tree between the girls and the Vongola 'boys'.

A few feet away from the Mist, Dino took a seat next to Squalo, both facing the direction of fireworks. Beside them, a little behind was Tsuna with his closest guardians at his back. Yamamoto remained within reach of the sword emperor while rubbing Gokudera's hand absentmindedly. To Tsuna's right, the deadliest couple was sitting down on the grass with Xanxus to the young boss' immediate right while the crowd-hater appeared comfortable being separated from the rest by the Varia leader's body.

As the night sky was being illuminated by colorful lights and sparkles, Tsuna was privileged to his own kind of laser show courtesy of Squalo and Xanxus. In the midst of the girls' awed exclamations, the Italian swordsman shot deadly glares to the right, aiming for Xanxus. Returning the favor, Xanxus sent equally heated rays to the left, back at the Shark. Although none of the fatal beams were meant for him, Tsuna, being in the middle, could feel his brain being radiated by the intense hostility and bombarded by sizzling air particles.

When the firework show reached its conclusion, the girls and Lambo announced their departure and wished to return to the Base. Yamamoto and Gokudera volunteered to escort them back, hoping to enjoy the refreshingly cool air away from the smoke-filled sky. Tsuna, against his better judgment, stayed behind to make sure his volatile guardians, 'older brother' and Varia allies would not start World War III.

Still rooted to his spot, Squalo confidently draped an arm around Dino, forcing his head to rest on the Shark's left shoulder. Feeling like he would soon be turned into their first casualty, Tsuna scooted backward, leaving the ground empty for the Varia competition. Hibari gave a small sneeze in the silent moment that ensued.

Not to be outdone, Xanxus seized this perfect opportunity to drape his Varia boss' jacket over the skylark's shoulders. Sending Squalo the kind of smile that would make Tsuna extremely uncomfortable in a dark alley with said Varia boss, Xanxus proceeded to give the Cloud a one-arm-hug to keep the Japanese warm.

To pay back, Squalo grabbed Dino's hand none too gently from the ground and squeezed it tightly, entirely missing the blonde's grimace.

Answering this newest challenge, Xanxus put his large hand on the smirking guardian's left knee and massaged the body part as if it was the sexiest object in the world.

At which point, Tsuna's mind was closed to shutdown in the last ditch effort to save his sanity. However, Squalo and Xanxus' continual staring contest was getting on his last nerve. His microwaved brain sent down a few faulty action potentials and before he knew it, a standing Tsuna was yelling something at the top of his lungs.

"WILL YOU SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED IDIOTS JUST GET OVER YOURSELVES AND STOP THIS RETARDED CHARADE?"

The good thing was this statement exemplified the greatest insight Tsuna's Hyper Intuition had ever given him. The bad thing was that it was the single bravest sentence could be said in the worst scenario concerning two insane assassins.

Immediately, the flustered boss clamped his hands over his unruly mouth. Inconspicuously taking a step back, Tsuna found four pairs of eyes focusing on him. In the briefest second, Tsuna closed his eyes and fantasized how those intense orbs were filled with respect and admiration for the Vongola Decimo's profound wisdom and awe-inspiring problem-solving skills.

Opening his eyes, Tsuna found reality laughing at his face with four standing figures still remaining. To his left, his self-proclaimed older brother was giving him soulfully empathetic looks while appearing ready to share condolences with his famiglia in the despair of his untimely death.

Next to the Cavallone, Squalo was making his presence known.

"Voooiii! What the hell did you just say, brat?" Fiery aquamarine eyes seemed to set Tsuna's brown hair ablaze. By the way his long sword was pointed at Tsuna's nether region, the young boss had a pretty good idea not to repeat his previous statement truthfully.

To his right, Xanxus was wearing a nightmare-inducing grin, powering up his guns happily at Tsuna. Twin crimson pools of raging inferno actually glowed on the assassin's darkened features.

_Moving on…Hibari-san, you're my guardian, right? I really could use some protection right now…_

Next to Xanxus, Tsuna's Cloud was thoroughly enjoying his predicament, feral dark eyes gleaming with sadistic pleasures.

Vaguely aware of Mukuro's aura, Tsuna took a quick glance to his left and found the best motivation for his Mist to rescue his body.

"Mukuro, I give you permission to possess my body right this moment!" _I'll exorcise you out later. After all the troubles I went through to get you out of the Vendicare Prison, it's the least you could do to save me against my personal tormentors._

Instead of glee and instant salvation, the illusionist dropped his easy smile and silently crept away.

"Sorry, Tsuna-kun! I have yet wanted to experience death in a virgin's body. It's just too early in my reincarnation cycle anyway. Catch you later…Kufufu…maybe in the next life." The Mist dissipated from the scene in haste.

While Tsuna was left to deal with this fatal situation, inside his Vongola ring, the spirits of his predecessors were discussing his pathetic fate.

"_Hmm… It seems there really is no honor among thieves these days, Primo! That creep did not have the decency and integrity to keep one lousy promise to your sorry heir. Truly tragic! Now, I'd almost feel bad for the boy, but it was so greatly entertaining! Good choice there, Boss!" The Vongola Secondo turned around, leaving the Primo with the view of his back and a satisfied smirk. _

_Behind him, the Vongola Primo wanted nothing more than to strangle his smart-ass of a successor. _

"_Why don't you take over and help the kid then, oh mighty and perfect one?" The Primo replied through gritted teeth._

"_Do I look like I want to deal with the gun-wielding bastard's temper tantrum? Tch, not everyone could be as suicidal as your bunch, Primo-…San." Tossing the First a pitiful look, the sarcastic Second also gave him another blood-boiling smirk._

_While the other spirits were holding the fuming Primo back from choking the Secondo, the Ninth patted the First serenely on his back, offering him a comforting 'there, there'._

Back in the outside world, Tsuna was not faring any better. When it came to his famiglia, crazy and bloodthirsty or not, the young boss would never fight or intentionally harm any of them. _Damn conscience! _

Thus, in the effort to preserve his existence, Tsuna popped a Hyper Dying Will pill into his mouth and propelled himself off the dangerous ground with his gloves' flames. After being sure that they were not chasing him, Tsuna let out a small breath and congratulated himself for stopping the Varia leaders and possibly his Cloud from demolishing the hill into his permanent resting place.

_Though that hill was not a bad burial site at all! Just imagine people passing by with aromatic incenses and paying him respect everyday…_

"_If by that you mean boys and drunkards pissing on your grave everyday after dark, then yes, your resting place will be busy and uniquely fragrant indeed!" The Secondo appeared in his imagination for the first time. Tsuna was too shocked to respond to this Xanxus look-alike, even the attitude was similar!_

"_Here's an advice for both you and the delusional Primo; give it up! They're not worth it. Your masochism is quite…disturbing." The Second boss gave him a mock bow before exiting his fantasy._

_When the surprise wore off, Tsuna had to admit that maybe the scary man was right. No one would visit his grave beside his small group of family and friends, especially when he was still remembered as Dame-Tsuna and no one else in Namimori knows what the phrase 'Vongola Decimo' in his epitaph means exactly anyway… _

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Back at the base, Haru, Kyoko and Lambo had all returned to their respective rooms. On the same floor, Tsuna successfully snuck into his own room before any of his 'terrorists' made it back. Two hours later, a clean and happy Tenth was greeted with the sounds of Dino and Squalo's 'safe' return. Across from the brunette's room, Xanxus slammed the wooden door, signaling his entrance into that chamber.

In the peace that Tsuna hoped was not the calm before a storm, a hushed conversation was taking place in the room adjacent to his left.

"Squalo, it's one thing to pretend to be your lover, it is entirely another to fake being your sex toy!" Dino squeaked in genuine fear.

"Shh… I will make it happen with or without your cooperation, Bronco!" The determined swordsman bared his fangs, too blinded by his own desires to win this 'motivating Xanxus' game.

"Have you not seen what happened at the festival?" The silver head growled his question impatiently.

"What was I supposed to see? Your choking on random fruits and spraying stomach juices on Tsuna or Xanxus' complete lack of reaction?" A frustrated blonde challenged, grinding his enamels.

Because his subordinates were out enjoying themselves with the Foundation members and Hibari was not present at the Base, it only took one angry shove from Squalo to send the Cavallone boss sprawling onto his back.

In his floored position, Dino could not react in time to Squalo's reckless ripping off his shirt and pants. In their own room, Tsuna and Xanxus were privileged to an experience similar to phone sex while in actuality, it was more of a World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) show with questionably pornographic dubs than a sado-maso game.

"Squalo!" Dino moaned as his silk shirt was torn to pieces.

"Ahhh!" The blonde cried as his pants were pulled from his legs, a hand was covering his mouth.

"Dino, don't stop! Keep it up!" Squalo encouraged his one-word screaming with glee.

"Oh My God! What…" Dino could not finish his sentence as Squalo forced a rag into his mouth and used the Bronco's tie to restrain his wrists.

"Dino, oh my, how… delicious you look…" The sword emperor smiled down while sitting on the Bucking Horse's torso, ignoring the mumble that sounded like 'rape'.

Grabbing Dino's whip, the swordsman improvised another arousing comment.

"How nice! Offering your whip for our foreplay! Vooiii, this is getting more exciting each second!" _How hard can it be to crack a whip, right? _Dismissing the Cavallone's horrified expression and shaking head, the sword emperor flicked his wrist casually.

The whip came down in a wild arc, almost slashed Dino's face and raised multiple welts on his arms with its tail. Squalo's hair got tangled with the weapon when it returned, barely missed slashing his torso in the same process.

However, in the two other rooms, the whip snapping and audible panting were taken as the results of sexual exertion. To Tsuna and Xanxus, Dino's gagged screams of horror sounded more like muffled pleasures instead.

When Squalo was trying to free his long mane, Dino scrambled to his feet and ran for the door. Luckily for him, Hibari had just arrived at the Base. Unluckily for him, Squalo pulled the door knob vigorously against its frame from behind him and prevented his escape.

In their tug-of-war at the door, the entire floor could hear their ragged breaths and the sounds of two strong bodies pushing as well as slamming wildly against the wooden object. To help his audience's imagination, Squalo generously sprinkled a few more thought-provoking exclamations.

"More…oh Dinooo…Please…. Oohhh more…Ca-val-lone…Damn" Squalo's enthusiastic vocalizations certainly accentuated their supposedly arousing performance.

In his bedroom, Tsuna crawled underneath his massive bed, hoping to either block out the inappropriate noises or pass out from inhaling too much dust and cob webs.

Xanxus, on the other hand, was aching with desires while battling with his own temper. His special gun was pointed straight at the door, also unintentionally at Tsuna's room, waiting for the decisive moment to blast down anything in its path.

In Squalo's chamber, the wrestling match continued as the pair fumbled around, thumping against walls and bumping into furniture. The sword emperor generously proclaimed the blonde's first and last name associating with words like yes, please and more.

As Squalo's performance reached its climax and the weight-throwing became more frantic behind their closed door, Hibari gracefully entered Xanxus' room. Upon seeing the Varia leader's enraged expressions, the Cloud gave a small smirk and a simple explanation.

"Worry not, Monkey King. My herbivore is not having sex with your Shark right now. I should know…" The aloof guardian sat down on a couch near Xanxus' throne.

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Meanwhile, a confused Yamamoto was walking back to his room which was beside Xanxus' and across from Squalo's. The Japanese swordsman wondered why his Hayato did not want to sleep in his room tonight. _Did I do something wrong? _So lost in his one-track-minded thought, he only slightly raised an eyebrow at the strangely noisy exertions from the other room.

In the mansion's wine cellar, Gokudera was nursing a bottle of finely aged red wine, swallowing consecutive large gulps and effectively drowning his frustrating embarrassment from the choco-banana incident. _What's so great about that Shark freak anyway? I have silver hair just like him…and loud…and obnoxious…and temperamental…But Shark bastard and baseball freak can talk about swords…sparring…bonding…Oh my God! What if stupid baseball idiot like that Varia bastard better than me?_ The more Gokudera thought about it, the more insecure he became. With each full glass, he lost a chunk of inhibition and self-restraint.

After he finished the bottle, the tipsy Storm stood up on unsteady legs and wandered upstairs toward his own room. The Vongola right-hand man was determined to seduce Yamamoto back from the Varia Shark's evil clutches although his alcohol-induced plan was not even coherent in his own his steps from one side to another, the drunken guardian was in no state to respond properly to the sight that greeted him in the corridor in front of Yamamoto's chamber.

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Finally, Dino pushed the abused door wide open and dashed out to the hallway with only his silk boxer. Squalo immediately proceeded to improvise with the plan he had made with Yamamoto earlier.

One second after Dino's desperate escape, the sword emperor forcefully plunged his body after the blond boss. Squalo's reaching arms snatched the Italian don's left thigh as its owner was tumbling into the middle of the wide hallway. With one hand on the doorknob, Yamamoto turned his head toward the commotion while still pushing his door open.

Reacting instinctively as any captured animal, Dino fought tooth and nail to free himself from the Shark's deadly hold. Before his body slammed down painfully against the floor, the Cavallone boss' flailing hands manage to grab onto the Rain's waist. Unfortunately, that was not enough to ensure his liberation as Squalo's last vigorous tug successfully sent all three of them toppled over, falling onto the corridor's carpet. While the fallen trio was trying to disentangle their limbs, the drunken right-hand-man stared at them in wordless wonder for ten seconds before exclaiming loudly the first thought that appeared in his alcohol-corrupted mind.

"Ooh, A THREESOME! Holy crap… baseball idiot!" Gokudera's voice echoed throughout the floor and penetrated every waking ear. Then, the Storm narrowed his emerald eyes at the confused Rain who smiled uncomfortably as he looked up from his floored position.

In his hiding spot, Tsuna jerked his head up so fast he hit the dirty underside of his bed in full-force. The repercussion, or actually the reward, was that he lost consciousness and did not have to endure any more vicarious sexual exploits.

In Xanxus' room, Hibari leaped out of his cozy seat and rushed out to investigate the right-hand-man's provocative claim. Despite what he had said to the Varia leader in calm confidence, the Cloud could not sit back and listen to the antics outside any longer. As he impatiently opened the door, Xanxus was following closely behind. The jealousy-driven pair was ready to annihilate all.

"Hayato! It's not what it looks like…please…I can explain…" Back in the hallway, Yamamoto tried to free himself from the mess of flailing limbs and labored breaths.

"Fuck, forget the lame sentimental excuses, I wanna join…" Gokudera slurred his words suggestively while gesturing at the fallen ones.

"You know the consequences of disrupting the discipline…" The sprawling trio temporarily stopped their struggle to stare at the approaching Cloud who was brandishing one of his tonfas threateningly. The inebriated Storm turned around too quickly and lost his balance. As he slumped against the wall, Hibari and Xanxus mutedly took in the 'Dino sandwich' scene before them. Unexpectedly, the drunken guardian dropped down on all four and started to pet Dino's blond mop meticulously.

"Yamamoto Takeshi, you have five seconds to get out from underneath my Bucking Horse. Take the drunken herbivore with you before I bite you both to death," the disturbed former prefect ordered through gritted teeth.

The skylark seemed to be the one to snap out of his shock first. The natural born hitman did not need to be told twice as he rolled out of the entangled mess and carried his lover away from the potential war zone. Once the swordsman and his Storm were inside his room, Takeshi locked the door and chuckled nervously at the now slumbering form of Gokudera.

Underneath Squalo's long mane, Dino silently prayed for a swift death while the Shark was slowly extracting himself atop the Bronco's naked torso.

"Get up before I fucking rip you apart, trash!" Xanxus barked his demand. One could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears. Spitting out the silver strands that spilled into his mouth, Dino bravely took a peak at his lover before he stood up next to Squalo.

"My, my… You must have a thing for swordsmen, right Bronco? An Italian one on top and a Japanese one below no less." A corner of the Cloud's hard-pressed lips lifted tauntingly; his haughty orbs however offered no mirth.

"VOI! That's obvious! How could he ever resist? Unlike some ungrateful bastards!" The sword emperor wrapped his right arm around the self-conscious and boxer-clad Dino. Squalo's shirt, which had also been torn from the tumble, revealed his well-toned abs as daringly as the last comment he tossed at the Varia boss. The two natural born abusers exchanged a heated look. _We will beat the Shark at his own game!_

"You don't know what you're missing out on! The Bucking Horse is quite a catch!" After hearing his friend's statement and being pulled tightly against said buddy's body, Dino could not decide whether the Shark was extremely brave or that his friend had lost his sense of self-preservation completely.

Smoothly, Squalo's right hand traveled downward along the Cavallone's side and grabbed his butt cheek in one swooping motion. As Dino jumped and squeaked in surprise, the Italian don decided that neither of his previous speculations had been sufficed in explaining the Varia second-in-command's insanity. A seething skylark growled dangerously and crouched down for a swift attack.

Before Hibari could damage his 'prized possession', Xanxus encircled the Cloud's slim waist and trapped the skylark by his side.

"Really? Didn't we have fun tonight in the forest, br… Hiba…" The Varia leader locked eyes with the Cloud while searching for the appropriate expression. Hibari caught on as he fondly recalled the spar they had after Tsuna escaped their clutches.

"Call me Kyoya." Dino's lower jaw dropped involuntarily, leaving his mouth and inner cavity vulnerable to flies and moths. Xanxus smugly spoke the skylark's first name while the Cloud hid an imperceptible grimace despite his offer.

"Well, you heard what the Bronco and Idid …" Before Squalo could finish his taunting retort, Xanxus began laughing maniacally. His broad shoulders shook violently with each bark-like laughter. The Varia boss arched his neck, rolled his head backward and allowed the sound of his wild howling to resonate throughout the hall.

All the while, Hibari stared at his companion with one raised eyebrow, slightly confused but not threatened. Dino tried to distance himself from the Varia couple until his left shoulder inadvertently collided with Squalo's stiff body. The Shark was watching Xanxus and his derisive roar intently.

When Xanxus brought his head back to its normal position, all signs of his previous amusement had vanished. Crimson orbs sparkled with deadly seriousness as they zeroed in on Squalo. The Varia leader took a couple of decisive steps forward and stopped at one foot away from Squalo's face. Dino's eyes darted back and forth between the two assassins; if he admired the Shark's audacity before, he could now marvel at his friend's nerves of steel.

The air sizzled in their silence and simmered with unspoken tension. The Varia second-in-command stood tall; his pale blue orbs betrayed none of his worries as Xanxus captured the sides of his face between the boss' forefinger and thumb. An intimidating squeeze forced the Shark's hard-pressed lips to relent.

"I know you two didn't fucking do anything tonight, trash. You'd never _dare_ to pull a real stunt like that anyway!" Xanxus smirked disdainfully at Squalo after enunciating his statement. Then, he jerked his hand forcefully away from the Shark's face. Turning his back toward Dino and Squalo, Xanxus led the Cloud into his own guestroom.

"Xanxus you fucking asshole!" A trembling sword emperor muttered spitefully while glaring daggers at his boss' retreating back.

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At three in the morning, the only noise that could be heard on the quiet floor was coming from the Rain's chamber. Inside his bathroom, the patient guardian gathered up silver locks as neatly as he could and tied them in the back of his lover's head. Once done, he proceeded to wrap his arms around the Storm's shaking frame as Gokudera emptied his stomach into the once-clean toilet bowl.

Bracing their body against each violent convulsion, Yamamoto soothingly rubbed Hayato's back and held his lover comfortably against his chest. When the temperamental Storm finished expelling alcohol from his system, he plopped down unceremoniously on the tiled floor and leaned on the marbled wall. The Japanese swordsman slowly stood up, flushed the toilet and washed his hands before getting a wet towel to clean his almost passed-out partner.

When Gokudera regained some consciousness, he found himself tucked carefully on a soft bed. To his left, Yamamoto was approaching with a glass of water. Turning on a small nightlight, the swordsman helped Hayato sit up and offered the rim of the glass near his dry lips. As the Storm greedily drank the water, Takeshi smiled happily at his lover. After putting the glass away, the Rain hovered near the right-hand man and tentatively covered his beloved's body with a warm comforter.

"Sleep with me!" Gokudera commanded softly while closing his emerald orbs again. Yamamoto grinned widely as he snuggled into the bed; all of his doubt and uncertainty vanished at his lover's invitation.

At the same time, Xanxus woke up from his uneasy sleep, glancing around the dark bedroom. The unwelcome stillness surrounded the Varia boss. Turning his head toward the glass window, Xanxus absentmindedly ran his hands over the empty right side of the massive bed.

Loneliness invaded his mind. His fingers nostalgically sought the familiar sensation of silky silver tresses atop the cold cotton sheet and fresh pillows. Inhaling sharply, the assassin detected hints of the clean linen instead of Squalo's elusive white musk. Speaking of the Shark, Xanxus did not like the bitter aftertaste of his last words; his right hand clenched into a fist as he tried to suppress the unwanted remorse.

Lying on his back, the Varia leader stared mesmerizingly at the blank ceiling, lost in thoughts of a better moment he had with the second-in-command.

In a nearby room, a pair of aquamarine orbs was also gazing at the vast canopy. From his position on the spacious bed, Squalo saw an almost-naked Dino curled up on the couch near the tall window. He did not remember how he had returned to the room and ended up in this bed. As realization dawned on him, he exhaled softly, allowing his conscience to regret dragging Dino into this mess. Anger soon replaced guilt when he recalled the reason he was riled up in the first place.

When glaring the offending wall separating him from Xanxus did not ease his mind, the Varia captain allowed himself to drift down memory lanes. Unknown to him, his boss was having the same flashback.

_It was a rainy night less than a month before the 'Brokeback Mountain' incident. Squalo returned to the Varia mansion after his week-long mission at roughly midnight. Entering his room, the Shark found his desk lamp was turned on and in the armchair next to it sat a dozing Xanxus. Slightly puzzled, Squalo did not expect the Varia boss to stay up this late for him. Xanxus never cared enough about reports or news to give up his sleep, ever. _

_Approaching the desk, Squalo silently hung his soaked jacket on the back of the other chair. After he dropped his fatigued body down on said chair, his eyes widened at the sight of a dinner tray on his desk. An empty liquor glass stood next to his dinner. _

_Silently, Squalo worked through his cold steak, forcing the chunks down his unresponsive stomach. When he was finished eating, the Shark decided to drag Xanxus' sleeping form onto his nearby bed. During his struggle, he did not see the smirk that appeared on the Varia boss' face. After laying his boss down on the mattress, the Sword Emperor proceeded to shower. _

_Stepping out of the bathroom, Squalo found Xanxus still soundly asleep under the blankets. Swiftly, he joined his companion, hoping to restore his aching body. _

_Somewhere along the way, a foot unexpectedly rubbed again Squalo's warm legs. Scowling in his semi-conscious state, the Shark voiced his annoyance loudly. _

"_VOI! Remove your frozen appendage from my body!" _

_Never deterred by Squalo's harmless complaints, Xanxus did not dignify the outburst with a reply. Used to their bantering, the Shark let out a sigh and began to sleep again when said icy foot kicked him in the shin. _

_Outraged, Squalo opened his eyes and glared at the smirk on Xanxus' face. Turning to his side, the Varia captain carefully rolled the shared comforter and blankets along with him, leaving Xanxus' body out in the open air. _

_Five minutes later, Xanxus was poking his right shoulder and tugging on his silver locks that sprawled between them. _

"_We're not having sex at this time, Xanxus. Night!" Relenting, the Shark released his iron-hold on the warm covers. _

_With the rising sun, Squalo woke up to find his body locked in Xanxus' possessiveness with the boss' leg across his thighs and a muscular arm squeezing his chest. Basking in the morning sunshine, Xanxus opened his eyes, sniffed in his scents and looked at him expectantly. _

_Too tired to demand to be on top, the Shark allowed Xanxus to pleasure him instead. Eager hands unbuttoned his shirts hastily, but proceeded mindfully to avoid the new bruises of his last mission. The Varia boss lowered his body onto Squalo's torso. Hungrily, he captured the Shark's lips before trailing along his lover's lower jaw. Impassioned tongue and sharp teeth roughly claimed Squalo's neck, leaving behind red spots and possessive marks. _

_After raking through the silver locks, lustful fingers teased his sensitive nipples; then, the callous hands roamed down to spread his inner thighs. Without warning, a strong thrust ignited his writhing body. Squalo's fingers dug into Xanxus' scarred back as the Shark's lean frame arched into this intimate rhythm. The mattress creaked violently with each enthusiastic dip, rise and twist of their entwined body. Soft murmurs gave way to wanton screams of desires… Spending the day to find ecstasy in each other's corporal form, they only emerged outside when the sky was dark again._

Smiling sardonically at the memory, Squalo scowled deeply while reanalyzing the recent turns of event. _Sex is all I'm good for, eh? You think I wouldn't dare to pull a real stunt? Watch and learn, I'll make you eat that dare of yours…_

In the other room, Xanxus closed his tired eyes and tightened his fists on the empty pillow, blunt finger nails digging into callous palms. _Enough games, Squalo! I'll get you back tomorrow!_

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Thank you for reading! Please leave me a review! The more reviews I have, the faster I will update the last chapter .


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

Thank you for all the reviews! I hope you guys will enjoy this last chapter. Have fun and let me know what you think!

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**Two Can Play at This Game:**

**Chapter 5: The End of Games**

Sunday morning arrived in the quietness that threatened to suffocate all liveliness. Around noon, Tsuna woke up in semi-darkness and wondered why the ceiling was so dusty and intimately close to his face. Absentmindedly, the sweet boss ran a hand through his hair and rubbed at the new bump on his forehead. As he blinked away the tears and pain, the brunette remembered the circumstances which led him to this humble hideout underneath his own bed.

"VOI! WAKE UP, BUCKING HORSE!" Squalo's scream echoed across various chambers. Dino was jolted awake by said war cry. Rolling down onto the floor, the Cavallone boss grimaced at the newly acquired carpet-burns. Before he could steady his spinning vision, well-aimed shirt, pants and belt assaulted his confused face. The Shark loudly ordered him to shower and change into appropriate attire for their 'daring' departure.

After hearing the sword emperor's vocalization, Tsuna scrambled to his door and poked his head out into the hallway to check on the Italian pair. At the same time, Gokudera also took a peek outside from Yamamoto's doorway. Upon seeing his Tenth's swollen brow, concern suddenly glazed over the emerald orbs. Before the devoted Storm could rush to his boss' side, the natural born hitman pulled him back, surveyed the corridor for potential crossfire and then, followed the right-hand-man into Tsuna's room.

Five minutes later, the trio heard a resounding door slam from Squalo's direction and stopped their discussion to listen to the situation outside. In the guestroom, Xanxus stood up from his throne-like chair and strode toward the wooden door. The moment the Varia boss wrenched the door open, the silky end of Squalo's long mane brushed by his nose and a blur of blond mop rushed past his sight. The rapid sounds of heels striking marble stair steps jerked him into action.

While Xanxus was stomping down the staircase, Squalo and Dino were standing in close proximity in front of the bottom steps. The Shark roughly pulled the Cavallone boss toward his body with one eye defiantly glaring at the Varia boss. After dragging his friend into the middle of the grand front-hall, the Italian assassin turned his full attention on Dino and gazed directly into amber orbs. Uncomfortable, the blonde looked away from twin blazing pools and caught the sight of the imperious Cloud strolling along the top of the staircase from the upper left wing.

Suddenly, forceful lips crashed down upon unsuspecting ones. The impatient Shark wrapped his sword arm around the blonde's lower back; his right hand press against the back of Dino's head to deepen the one-sided kiss. Utterly horrified, the Bronco's eyes were about to jump out of his sockets at the sight of their locking lips. While Hibari stood rigidly with one hand gripping the beautiful railings in disbelief, Xanxus flew down the steps in a blinding flash of rage.

One furious hand grabbed Squalo's long mane and vigorously yanked the Shark away from his paralyzed 'lover'. The other scarred hand pressed the glowing muzzle of Xanxus' signature weapon against Dino's forehead. While the now hyperventilating don was mumbling his confession before imminent death, Xanxus securely restrained the surprised swordsman in his grasp.

"Xanxus!" Hibari took back control of his mental faculty, just in time. Xanxus turned to glare at the source, only to find his co-conspirator of this game. After a while the Varia boss slowly lowered his gun and put it back to the holster; Squalo snapped out of his bewildered state and broke free.

"VOI! What the hell! You almost ripped the scalp out of my fucking skull, asshole!" The sword emperor yelled out in anger.

Meanwhile, Dino wisely scampered away to hide behind a grand couch nearby a wall. All the commotions upstairs came to a halt as Tsuna and his friends tried to listen. Hibari calmly sauntered back to his room, knowing their argument would reach everyone's ears.

"So, what! You grew your hair out for me anyway." Xanxus growled his answer.

"That's not the point! You are harmful to my health! Thanks to you, I suffer from severe hair loss! You gave me undue stress! You made my blood pressure skyrocket in the prime of my years! And, you didn't even fucking pay for my medical care. The Vongola brat did!" Squalo bellowed these pieces of information generously for all to hear.

"Those are your own goddamn problems." Xanxus tried to appear nonchalant, dismissing Squalo's complaints.

"Which brings up another point! You don't give a shit about anything! You left me to deal with those Varia scums by myself!" Xanxus twitched slightly at this declaration.

"You made me do all the back-breaking labors. I work like a slave training the new recruits, making sure the Varia doesn't fall apart and keeping those idiots in check!" The Varia boss frowned in response. _I let you run the Varia as you please. I didn't interfere. What more do you want, Shark?_

"Doing those thankless jobs wouldn't have been so bad, if you had the decency to appreciate my efforts. You always complain about the foods, the liquors, the meats, the uniforms, the staff, the mansion…" Evidently, Squalo's rant was still going strong. Xanxus' scowl deepened. _I like them. It's just fun driving you up a wall._

"You throw random craps at my head. You deliberately taunt me. We fight over ridiculous craps. Your obnoxious demands irk me to no end!" Xanxus' minuscule patience was quickly evaporating. _You're the only one I pick fights with…See if I let any of those other scums argue with me the ways you always do._

"Worst of all, you didn't care if I leave or stay; where I go is never your concern!" Squalo stopped his monologue, staring at Xanxus' right hand. The Varia leader's last string of self-restraint snapped. _I trust you, damn it!_

A large sphere of Xanxus' Flame of Fury flew straight toward the Sword Emperor's face. With his excellent reflex, Squalo gracefully dodged the infernal ball. Swinging out his sword arm, the Shark redirected the burning projectile toward the Vongola's antique couch. Unfortunately, Dino was hiding behind said piece of valuable furniture.

Fortunately, the Cavallone boss was skilled enough to plaster himself against the wall when the ball of flame flew by and disintegrated his hiding spot. In the meantime, the two Varia leaders were too busy engaging in their heated argument to notice anyone else.

"You almost killed me with the blasted thing! What…" Squalo protested loudly, his arms waving in earnest.

"What are you, a sissy? I know damn well you can defend yourself, stupid Shark. You're not that weak and useless! Or am I mistaken, trash?" Xanxus spat out his questions.

"That's it! You don't care whether I live or die. I'm moving in with the Bucking Horse. At least the idiot…" Squalo glared at Xanxus, viciously trampling on his own feelings. Said Cavallone don was not feeling so well, either. Chills ran down Dino's back mercilessly. From his very conspicuous and vulnerable position on the wall, the Bronco shivered uncontrollably as cold sweats filled the inside of his Italian shoes.

"Are you cutting all your ties with me? Are you breaking your promise to be loyal and stay by my side?" Xanxus' snarl was dangerously low; his whole body was illuminated by rage. Upstairs, Tsuna had severe difficulties in swallowing a gulp of saliva down his own dried throat.

"No, dumbass! I am and always will be your greatest ally, regardless of your nasty habits. But, we'll just be friends from now on. No more extra shit. No sex. No free labor. I'll do the missions you assign and that's it. If you need help with the Mafia business, I'll be there, ok?" Despite his bravado and logical words, Squalo's heart was bleeding silently.

"HELL NO!" Xanxus roared.

"Why the fuck not? What the hell am I to you anyway?" Squalo's annoyance seeped into his short reply.

"YOU'RE MINE!" bellowed the Varia Boss, crimson eyes burned with untamed emotions.

Suddenly, Xanxus lunged forward, trapping the unprepared Sword Emperor in a crushing embrace. Muscular arms tightly squeezed his lean torso. A wide-eyed Squalo stood rooted to his spot, unable to process a coherent thought.

"And, I don't fucking share!" A harsh whisper entered the Shark's ears, muted to all but the intended target and Dino.

Hungry lips collided on stunned ones passionately. Squalo returned to his normal self and began to reciprocate enthusiastically. The pair's loud moans were quickly followed by heavy panting as the couple tried to devour one another. The reluctant blond audience closed his eyes to avoid the graphic mental images of their tongue actions.

* * *

"We're leaving, trash!" Squalo cheerfully announced their departure which echoed throughout the silent villa. While Xanxus was calling for their car, the Shark grinned victoriously and sent a discreet wink toward the flustered blonde. A minute later, Dino detached his stiff body from the sweat-soaked wall and approached the front window to watch the dysfunctional pair's departure.

At the front gate, Xanxus gave Hibari a quick nod before following Squalo into their vehicle. After the two deadly assassins had left, the aloof skylark and his faithful right-hand man drove their own car out of the Vongola Japanese Base. In a moment of wistful thinking, the Cavallone boss wondered if he could use Xanxus' infamous line to crawl back into the independent Cloud's limited good graces.

Before following his beloved owner, Hibird flew by Dino's window pane, happily singing Namimori Middle's anthem. Realization dawned upon the blonde. If he ever declared such possessiveness toward the Cloud, he would first have to survive the onslaught of Kyoya's pets.

_Hibird angrily pecked his eyeballs out of their socket. In its jealous rage, Kyoya's hedgehog exploded out of proportion and_ _used his body to practice a not so healing form of acupuncture. While attacking him, the fluff ball would sing 'Hibari' joyously. And the needle sphere would call out in a high-pitched voice that either sounded adorably like 'Kyo' or fatally like 'kill'. Take your pick, but the smart don knew exactly which one meant exclusively for him. _

_When the slaughtering was over and not an inch of his body left intact, Kyoya would look down at them with those soft and understanding blue-grey orbs of his. By no mean the tender loving care would be for Dino. His Kyoya would be too busy checking his hedgehog for non-existent wounds and tending to Hibird's needs. Sadly, while Dino was bleeding profusely to death, the proud guardian would not remember him at all. _

Letting out a tired sigh, the blond boss walked up the stairs, gathering his luggage and subordinates. They left the Vongola in a rush in order to salvage their boss' love life.

* * *

After Dino yelled out his farewells, Tsuna and his best friends decided to leave the corner they had been huddling together for the purpose of eavesdropping. Gokudera stood up from their spot, awkwardly trying to avoid Yamamoto's gaze. Tactfully, Tsuna left his own room, claiming he was hungry after all the excitement.

"Takeshi, I don't remember what happened… I mean last night was… I'm sorry…" The Storm uncharacteristically stammered and whispered the last words.

"It's alright, Hayato! I don't understand much of it either. But, Squalo's game is over and he sounds happy. So, yeah!" The Japanese swordsman grinned lovingly at the Storm, showing sparkling teeth.

"Oh, and I'm always happy to take care of you!" The Rain embraced the Vongola's right hand man, confidently wrapping tanned arms around the silver head's torso.

"Thanks, baseball idiot!" mumbled the blushing Storm. The couple shared a simple kiss.

"Ha Ha… Let's join Tsuna for lunch. I'll make you guys some sushi, ok?" The soothing Rain asked while taking Gokudera's hand and tugging him toward the door.

"Tch, fine!" The Storm's temperamental words elicited a carefree laughter from the natural born hitman and brought a genuine smile on his companion's face.

* * *

At the dinner table, Tsuna finally let out the long breath he hade been holding since the beginning of Xanxus and Squalo's invasion. Exhaling deeply, the nice boss took another piece of home-made sushi, enjoying the peace with his happy friends.

"Hey Tsuna! What's a threesome? Can you guys teach me?" An eleven-year-old Lambo entered the once serene dining room. All three heads snapped toward the doorway.

Tsuna's face turned completely red; his friends could practically feel the heat wave radiating off his head. Wisely, the sweet don stuffed his mouth with a huge onigiri, safely excusing himself from explaining such activity to the childish guardian.

Gokudera was stuttering some sort of answer to Lambo's inquiry. Needless to say, he did not succeed in making any sense. Gesturing his hands wildly, the Storm eventually admitted defeat somewhere among his jumbled words. His memories of last night were still hazy at best, but that horrifying word kept popping up in his mind like a flashing billboard. He was not brave enough to ask for clarification anytime soon.

Even Yamamoto refused to look up from his teacup. His gut feelings were telling him to claim temporary amnesia. But, being a great boyfriend that he was, the swordsman glanced at the Storm and tried to help Hayato in his desperate attempt to distract the kid.

"Why don't you…" Gokudera mumbled the first part, hoping to buy time for the next inspiration.

"Ask someone else, like…" Yamamoto continued the suggestion sheepishly.

Three pairs of eyes looked at Tsuna expectantly. Squirming on his chair, the Vongola Decimo racked his brain, willing his mind to find someone to dump, he meant bestow, this responsibility. He needed a person who a/ would not kill Lambo for simply asking and b/ would not kill him for redirecting the kid to said person.

"…Fuu…ta! Yes, Fuuta!" Tsuna silently prayed for forgiveness after naming the hapless victim. That was the moment the ranking genius officially became Lambo's mentor (translation: personal slave). Kami-sama blessed the most awesome power of leadership, delegation.

"Umm, OK! Stupid Gokudera wouldn't know anyway." Lambo announced, smiling cheekily at the trio. The ill-tempered Storm, for once, did not rise to this obvious bait. Yamamoto swiftly offered the gluttonous boy a plate sushi to appease his incessant questioning.

* * *

An hour after Squalo's triumphant departure, Dino arrived at the deserted Namimori Middle. The midday sun relentlessly heated up the bare rooftop where the Cloud was waiting for his herbivore. The moment the blonde entered the blaring stage, the wind stopped. On the school ground below, Romario watched anxiously.

"Kyoya, I…" A swift kick interrupted his prepared speech. Dino barely dodged it in time, relieved there was no screeching hedgehog just yet. Backing into the wall, the Cavallone boss held up his hands and tried to explain once again. His words fell into deaf ears as the skylark was set on fighting him.

After a series of attacks in which Dino merely tried to defend his vital organs, the Cloud drove the tonfa in his right hand directly toward the blonde's face. The Italian closed his eyes as the end approached. A strong wind whipped past his left cheek. A loud crack stilled his heart when the metal stick connected with the wall behind him. Opening his amber orbs, the boss saw the embedded weapon barely missing his left ear. He found himself caught between the hot wall and the independent guardian's warm body.

"I'm sorry…" The blonde tried again as his eyes were captivated by twin pools of unfathomable blue-grey.

"Save it! I am neither insecure nor foolish enough to believe the Shark's charade." From above, Hibird softly landed on the skylark's head. Nestled in silk dark locks, the yellow fluff ball chirped his owner's name contently.

"Just remember, I'll bite you to death if you ever _think_ about pulling a stunt like that again." Hibari retrieved his tonfa and walked toward the exit.

"Then, let me pay for the damages and redeem myself." Dino asserted quickly, feeling guilty after his involvement with Squalo's insane scheme. Following the skylark, Dino smiled upon seeing Hibari's slight nod and disappeared from his subordinates' line of vision. Swiftly, Tetsu appeared to invite Romario and his worried group to a sake house nearby.

At the Foundation headquarter, the Cloud was lounging on his wooden veranda. Lying on the cool surface, the skylark fell asleep with Hibird on his right knee. His revealing yukata swayed with the afternoon breezes.

"Get to work, Bucking Horse! My hedgehog needs to be properly groomed." The blond boss ran his sweaty palms across his forehead, wondering how he could actually begin cleaning Hibari's box weapon. After enduring some painful jabs from the spiky ball, Dino successful wiped away all traces of imaginary dirt on the loyal hedgehog. Before he could rest, the hedgehog decided to multiply and made five more replications of itself. Startled by the sudden burst of energy, the Blonde stumbled backward, tripped over a stone lantern and fell unceremoniously into Hibari's pristine koi pond.

"If my fish die, I'll bite you to death, Bucking Horse." Quickly sitting up, the Cavallone don gave a nervous chuckle and lifted his soaked body out of the pond. Snorting at Dino, the hedgehog called out 'Kyo' and climbed on the shaded veranda. As the cute animal snuggled on top of his Kyoya's toned abs, Dino spent the rest of the afternoon chasing after its five copies across the garden.

Eventually, the exhausted don passed out at one point during the exercise. When he regained consciousness, he found himself resting next to the sleeping skylark. The bright hues of dusk colored Kyoya's pale skin and made him all the more enticing in the boss' eyes. Dino carefully leaned over and wrapped his arms around the skylark. His trail of kisses earned a soft smirk on Hibari's lips. As they removed each other's clothing, Dino began his plan to make up to the proud guardian.

* * *

Back at the Varia Headquarter, the lower members were enjoying the convenient absence of their two fearsome leaders. Confident in the questionable assumption that Xanxus and Squalo would spend a long time to fix their messed up 'relationship', none of the Varia quality noticed the black car pulling in front of their mansion, the two figures walking toward the main entrance or the rather frantic thumping sounds inside their coat closet.

In the grand hall, to the left of the center staircase, a heavily bandaged Levi was lecturing the Varia subordinates about the virtues of their great leader, Xanxus. On the other side, Bel was chasing Fran around, trying to force the young illusionist into the frog suit. Needless to say, their supposed vacation to recover from Xanxus-induced stresses did not come true due to their treasurer's, Mammon, refusal to fund such frivolity (Translation: the Arcobaleno was too attached to the money to ever relinquish any).

The lovely couple stopped short of opening the front door, curious to hear what their subordinates were doing. Levi's booming voice reached unprepared ears.

"Our boss is a great and wonderful leader whose manly needs far exceed that of any feeble man. Behold and admire these scars I received in the Boss' great throes of passion. They are sure signs of our Boss' prowess. That I, Leviathan, alone am worthy of his favor!" Sniffing emotionally, the lightning head revealed his various patches of raw skins and healing bones.

Outside the door, Squalo violently clamped a hand over his mouth, lest his seething lover heard his laughter and decided to make him the first scapegoat for Xanxus' infamous wrath.

Inside the mansion, twenty or so Varia followers chorused numerous 'oohs and ahhs' in response to such impassioned speech. Suddenly realizing Levi's lesson, Bel stopped his chase; Fran halted in front of the staircase, trapped between Levi on one side and Bel a couple yards away.

"Ushishishi… As if Boss would ever share his bed and body with you, sucker!" Bel proclaimed his unsolicited opinion loudly. Fran and the subordinates looked from him to the blushing Levi with great interest.

"Shut your trap, pauper! Like you have anything better to show…" Not finishing his sentence, Levi fired one of his electrical umbrellas at the spoiled prince. Before the lightning bolt could reach him, Bel shot out a string of deadly knives toward his opponent. Fran, unfortunately, was trapped in the middle.

Being the great illusionist that he was, Fran jumped back, conjuring up a figure that immediately stopped both attacks. The lightning streak disappeared before contact; Bel pulled back his knives instinctively. The illusion was Xanxus with all of his raging glory.

Outside, unable to contain his curiosity, the Varia Boss pushed the sword emperor off the keyhole through which he was peeping and had a look for himself. The Shark wisely conceded to press his ear against the door instead of fighting the gun-wielder as the fake Xanxus began his speech.

"I am Xanxus of the Varia. Will you morons stop fighting or else I'm going to cry because I simply cannot live without Squalo!" The illusion wiped non-existent tears as Fran tried to come up with the next comment. Levi's mouth dropped open.

"For obvious reasons, * fake cough* Squalo *fake cough*, I never have to move my butts around here…" The Xanxus-illusion's monotonous speech was cut short.

"Ushishi…No! No! You got it all wrong, my little froggy. The Prince knows the King best!" Bel interrupted, waving his hands dismissively. Every member in the chamber could not remove his eyes from Xanxus' chosen few.

"The reason he refused to move from his throne is not that he's a lazy ass who depends on Squalo entirely. He is just insecure about the state of his buttocks. I wouldn't blame him for being ashamed of his pruny behind. Have you seen a rapidly defrosted steak? All wrinkly and shriveled up because of the high heat; that's what happened to Boss after all the thawing we did!" Bel scrunched up his nose, shivering at his own mental image.

The Xanxus illusion self-consciously cupped its butts to evaluate Bel's long explanation. Some members laughed nervously at this joke. On the other side, Squalo let out a couple of stifled laughs despite knowing how far from the truth Bel's speculation was.

"The Prince would never be caught dead standing up with such appendages. Boss sure is brave…" Bel nodded his head sagely, secured in such profound wisdom (Translation: vanity).

"That explains why Boss is so obsessed with his guns. He used them to draw people's attention away from such deformities, right?" Fran rubbed his chin, voicing out loud his curiosity. Half of the Varia followers stared at the gaping Levi while the other half absorbed Fran's statement eagerly.

"Ooh, look at these guns. I am now trigger-happy! Cool…" The illusion of Xanxus muttered excitedly, pointing its guns around with an awe-struck look on its face.

"You're right for once, little frog! It's called overcompensation. Take the meats for example; remember how Boss always complains about their impeccable quality? He's picky with the meats because he's a closet vegetarian. He didn't want to eat them, so he had to be overly critical and reject those somehow. Ushishi…can you imagine if the Vongola's biting brat finds out Boss is a meat-fearing herbivore?" Bel went on with his explanations. Levi was still speechless due to this shocking discovery.

On the other side of the door, Squalo's shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, though he managed to not let out more than a squeak. _Is it me or this place is getting hotter with each passing minute? _A fuming Xanxus to his left looked about ready to explode at any moment.

"Who needs friends when you have guns like these?" A cheerful fake-Xanxus proclaimed proudly, ignoring the stares it received.

"I see… These firearms masked Boss' lack of friends and masqueraded his failed attempts at anger-management…" Fran spoke over the Xanxus illusion, intrigued by Bel's insights into their mysterious boss.

"Hmm…" The genius knife-wielder considered such notion with a serious look on his face.

"Shut up! How dare you make fun of our beloved Boss?" A hyperventilating Levi shook himself out of shock and roared his disapproval.

"Stupid Levi! We're not poking fun. We're sympathizing with Boss' unfortunate disposition in life. More importantly, we must understand the root of his problems. Eight long years in ice! Just think of all the chances of getting laid he missed out in those insatiably hormonal teenage years…" Levi's protest fell into deaf ears as the room was filled with raucous laughter. Bel winked at Fran underneath his long bangs. Squalo was rolling on the ground, laughing his ass off.

"Just think of all the awkward, experimental sex he could never make up for in his old age." Bel elaborated while gesturing his arms in a grandiose manner.

"No wonder, Boss envies our youth… hmm…" Fran was pretty impressed by this amazing psychoanalysis.

"Yup, can you imagine spending 8 long years without sex and what happened to his you-know-what during that time?" Every member of the Varia, from the elites to the common men, all wept a little inside his assassin heart, grieving for their Boss while recalling the failed coup d'etat.

The umbrella-obsessed one was wiping his snots on his Varia jacket when the volcano called Xanxus erupted and ripped open the path to hell.

BAM! A sudden silence covered the hall as Xanxus kicked down the door, slamming it against the marbled floor. Levi, Bel and Fran stared incredulously at the figure before them; the Xanxus illusion quickly covered its most vulnerable lower region. The group of subordinates inched surreptitiously toward the back exit. Behind the demonic Xanxus, the Second Sword Emperor was dusting himself off while glaring around the room.

The loud banging in the coat closet to the two leaders' right side became awfully noticeable in this suffocating quietness. A minute later, the abused storage room gave in, and a tied-up Lussuria tumbled out of his tiny compartment. As he lost his balance and rolled onto the floor, Squalo recognized the oddly familiar quality of the fine strings used to constrain the boxer. Bel let out a small signature laugh nervously and swiftly untied the Varia healer with one flying knife.

Getting to his feet, Lussuria successfully snapped the last thread of Xanxus' sanity with one greeting.

"Hey, guys! Daddy and Mommy are finally home after their honeymoon retreat!"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, TRASH!" Squalo fulfilled his obligation as the Varia second-in-command right before taking the only safe hiding place, behind Xanxus' stiff back.

A nanosecond after Lussuria's high-pitched squeal registered, the Varia Boss let loose of his temper; twin guns shot out massive streams of his 'Flame of Rage' instead of shots, which made Tsuna's X-Burner seemed like a breeze in comparison.

Half an hour of torching later, Xanxus and Squalo ordered the terrified servants to fix the headquarter and send the bills to Tsuna before the pair left for their summer villa (aka: Tsuna's Italian Base).

* * *

Three days after the above incident which amounted to a grand total of a week of peace since the Varia leaders' showdown, Tsuna's office was once again filled with uninvited guests. In front of his mahogany desk, Lussuria, Levi, Bel and Fran were asking (translation: demanding) for a place to stay in his Japanese base. The other Varia members who could not fit inside his small office spilled out to the hallway. The smell of smoke and burnt fabrics assaulted Tsuna's nostrils mercilessly.

To the left of the Vongola Decimo, a tearful Levi was holding a Squalo doll which had qualities similar to the ones Tsuna's Sun Guardian gave I-pin and the girls. In his other hand, the lightning assassin squeezed a rather dangerous-looking needle. As the Varia elite proceeded to pin and poke the Squalo doll in various painful places, Tsuna forced his eyes to look away lest he himself gave in to temptations. _Levi, is it too late to join your voodoo session? I suppose Oniisan will make some dolls for me…I do have a handful of tormentors in mind… Wonder how effective this witchcraft can be…_

Moving on, the compassionate boss stared at the torched and choppy bangs of one Prince Ripper. For the first time, Tsuna could look Belphegor in the eyes. Fran sported a ragged appearance with his torn shirt and charbroiled pants. All of them seemed to have come to his office barefooted as well.

To his right, nearest to his face, a half-naked Lussuria was lamenting his 'no-longer stylistic' hair while coughing up numerous soot balls onto his desk. The boxer appeared to have rather red and raw skin on his upper body.

Upon seeing the miserable state of his independent assassination squad, a part of Tsuna that included his big heart went out for them. This part of his soul urged him to take them in unconditionally and provide for these 'refugees' in this time of needs.

However, a good chunk of him, the part that consisted mostly of his self-preservation, told him to send them away as quickly as possible. Harboring fugitives running away from Xanxus was never a good idea. Push came to shove, who was going to provide him asylum in his escape from said Varia boss' wrath?

"Hey, what's extremely going on here?" Tsuna's Sun Guardian pushed his way into the crowded office.

The friendly guardian was immediately embraced by a distraught Lussuria. In a short greeting of matching fists and glowing postures, the two boxers walked off together right after Ryohei offered to share his suite with the Varia boxer.

As he departed, the Varia nanny, oops Tsuna meant healer, gestured for the others to follow him and find a room to stay. All the while, a muted Tsuna sat on his chair and stared at the disaster that would surely come. The matter was out of his hand; his soft heart could not reject the homeless-look-alike Varia members out right. From the expensive reconstruction bill on his desk to the numerous ash-colored hand prints on his walls, everything reminded Tsuna of his delusional decision to humanize the Vongola.

* * *

Listlessly, Tsuna exhaled while lowering his head onto the wooden surface. Somewhere down the hall, the Vongola Decimo could hear the heated arguments about sharing foods, beds, space and bathroom between the Vongola members and the Varia followers. In the common dining room below, a food fight was conducted to defend his honor against the virtues of Xanxus.

Underneath his office window, in the beautiful garden below, Gokudera-kun apparently had encountered his archrival, Bel. During their fight, multiple strings of profanity and loud explosions echoed throughout the Vongola estate.

Yamamoto's appeasing 'maa, maa' stopped the moment he saw Levi puncturing the Squalo doll. Being a loyal friend to his ex-tutor, the Rain attempted to reason with Levi who replied with a blast from his lightning umbrella. Another fight ensued as Levi added a 'baseball freak' comment which was strictly reserved for the Vongola Storm's affectionate tone only.

On the sideline, Fran sat emotionlessly watching his fellow Varia elites engaging in the fighting frenzy. Absentmindedly, the illusionist hugged his one remaining boot from the pair that came with the Varia uniform. After three days and two nights sleeping in the wilderness, it was the last proof of his dignity as a member of the Varia quality.

_In the first night after the 'great fire incident,' Lussuria, Levi, Bel, Fran and their twenty or so subordinates spent a lot of time wondering where they should go and how to survive without the basic necessities. That was the case until everyone became ravenous and decided to fill their stomach first. _

_Unfortunately, all the small games in the woods surrounding the Varia mansion had smartly disappeared before they could attempt the hunting and gathering game. As starvation was never a good thing for a group of homicidal assassins, it led them to a desperate solution: roasting their leather boots. Fire did not come easy despite what Levi might brag. Dinner in this night was a semi-civilized event; each of the hungry members grabbed one from the pile. _

_The second night did not go well, as no one was completely sure of how long they would have to fend for themselves in the wild. Thus, dinner became a full-blown brawl in which everyone tried to take at least one more boot from the fire. Not that they loved the taste of burnt animal skin, it was merely a survival strategy. In the end, everybody, besides Fran who wisely tossed in an illusion instead of his boot, was barefooted and deprived of human manners. _

_Before they started to devour each other, Lussuria had the sensibility to guide them toward the Vongola Italian Base and hitch a ride on one of their private jets bound for the Japanese Headquarter. _

And so, Fran reminisced about this degrading experience and wondered why he agreed to join the Varia in the first place. Stretching his arms with the boot tightly clenched between his palms, Fran could not imagine what happened next to his precious boot (Translation: the last scrap of his humanity). The eleven year-old Lambo walked past him, adeptly avoiding the crossfire, only to drop a giant wad of saliva-covered and germ-infused chewing gum onto Fran's near pristine footwear.

Being the talented and unstable Varia elite that he was, Fran leaped into action, whipping dark demonic aura around the young Vongola Lightning Guardian. Fran joined the fight with the kind of enthusiasm and ruthlessness that even made Bel proud.

Vaguely, in the midst of chaos and inevitable destruction, Tsuna wondered where he could stay once the Vongola filed for bankruptcy and became homeless. Surely, Dino-san would let him and his friends stay out of the pure kindness of his heart.

Then, Tsuna remembered his rather selfish and antisocial Cloud Guardian. It was an entirely different matter if said guardian could ever tolerate their presence in the Cavallone mansion. The Cavallone Famiglia would not be too happy with them if they inadvertently led to their boss' heartbreak. In short, Tsuna and his friends were doomed.

* * *

"Well, congratulations, Vongola Decimo!" Somewhere in the abyss of his semi-conscious state, Tsuna was greeted by the sardonic Vongola Secondo.

"You have successfully expanded your little psychiatric ward into a full-scale mental asylum. Wouldn't you say so, Vongola Primo?" The Second smirked at the scowling First who had just appeared before Tsuna.

"Tsunayoshi, as much as this pains me to admit. The bastard was right." The First boss took hold of Tsuna's shoulders, inhaling deeply before uttered the next sentences through gritted teeth.

"Forget this insane and toxic famiglia of yours. Run for the hills, as far away as you can and start a new family there. As much as I love the Vongola, I want my sole descendent to live in relative peace of mind and continue my bloodline somewhere else." The Primo let out a defeated sigh.

"But who's going to lead the Vongola?" Tsuna asked.

"Why, Xanxus, of course!" The Secondo grinned evilly. The Primo immediately twisted his head around in anger.

"Admit it! Xanxus is your long lost bastard, isn't he?" The First snarled at his successor.

"And, what if he is?" The Second Vongola cheekily retorted.

"You're scheming for my heir to fail and now you ask me what's wrong?" The Vongola founder walked toward the Second, trying to intimidate him with his famous flame.

"At least my illegitimate bastard is more capable of controlling his lackeys than your true bloodline successor! Saying something there, don't you think?" The arrogant successor faced his former boss head on with a condescending smirk.

While the two childish men argued about their legitimacy and age-old grudges, Tsuna finally realized that he had been given official permission to ditch the Vongola and all of his responsibilities. Grabbing his wallet, the young boss made a mad dash for the opened front gate. _Good luck, Xanxus! You'll need it…_

Unfortunately for Tsuna, Reborn chose that moment to return from his vacation. Standing on the lawn, his onyx eyes followed Tsuna's dusty trail disapprovingly. The home-tutor whipped out his pet and transformed it into a long rope. After twirling its loop above his head a few times, the hitman expertly threw the lasso in the fleeing boss' direction and captured his left leg. The moment the rope snuggly tightened around his left ankle, Tsuna began struggling for dear life, clawing his blunt fingernails into the soil.

"Tch, tch, tch… Dame Tsuna! You know better than to run away from your responsibilities at this age. As their boss, you have to fix the problem no matter how difficult it is!" Reborn lectured seriously while dragging the Vongola Tenth back inside the rumbling mansion.

"But, The First said I..." Tsuna cried out in pain while digging his fingers into the dirt and resisting Reborn's pull from his flat-on-his-stomach position.

"What did I say about imaginary friends, Dame-Tsuna? Stop the pathetic excuses!" Reborn did not even turn around to face him.

From a random window, a kitchen sink flew out and knocked Tsuna on the head. As the boss lost his consciousness, his valiant but futile struggle against Reborn came to an abrupt ending. His heartfelt cries for freedom became one with the loud screaming and fighting in the Vongola Japanese Base. Inside his head, inner Tsuna mourned the untimely death of his sanity.

Inside his Vongola ring, the First and Second were now fully engaged in an all out brawl.

"Traitor!" The First yelled as he wrestled the Second to the floor.

"Loser!" The Second swiftly retorted after flipping the First over his shoulders.

A crowd of Vongola Bosses gathered around the wrestling match, enthusiastically betting for their favorite boss and insulting the opposite team. This was a much fun as a spirit could get inside the Vongola Ring. Apart from the rowdy group who was cheering for their entertainment, the Ninth was talking to the only female Vongola boss with a wistful look on his face.

"If only Tsuna and Xanxus can get along as well as our two predecessors… Such youthful enthusiasm indeed, right Mother?"

* * *

Somewhere on the highest floor of the Vongola Italian Base, Xanxus sneezed loudly and jolted awake in his sitting position. His crimson orbs scanned the terrace, from the careless trail of clothing they left on the spacious platform to the ornate balustrade where their wanton lust fought for dominance till exhaustion.

A cool wind brushed by their body, relieving the summer warmth and carrying a subtle hint of wildflowers from the meadows below. A sleeping Squalo turned his head slightly on Xanxus' lap. His long mane draped over the Varia boss' legs like a blanket of silver silk. Lying flat on his back, the Shark sprawled on the marble floor, spreading out his arms and legs freely. Slowly returning to his nap, the Varia leader leaned back against the wall and laid his right hand possessively on top of his second-in-command's chest.

* * *

Thank you for reading my story! Although this is the last chapter, please leave me a comment/ review!


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